Star Fox Zero Review

Can’t let you do that, Star Fox!

(This review contains minor spoilers!)

          I’ve never really considered Star Fox 64 to be the timeless classic many see it to be. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fantastic game and I’ll still come back to it from time to time. I just never really grew up with it, so I don’t quite have the nostalgia most have for it. However, when I was younger, I played a lot of Star Fox Assault, and while I’ll admit it hasn’t aged gracefully, it will always hold a special place in my game collection.

          So along comes Star Fox Zero, not a sequel or a remake of any older games, but instead a “reimagining” of the 64 game. That’s the first of many problems that plague Zero from the moment you press start. Because Zero is resting so much on 64’s laurels, it never quite gets a chance to be its own thing, instead reminding them how they could be playing a much better version of the same game.

          Make no mistake. Star Fox Zero is a far worse version of Star Fox 64 3D, a remake of a Nintendo 64 game from 1998.

          This is one of those rare games that somehow manages to get nothing right. None of the clear love the developers had for the game that was present in past installments is here at all. Instead, this feels like Nintendo flipping the middle finger to their fans and saying “You want your new Star Fox game? Well, here it is! Suck it, nerds!”

          Let’s start with the graphics. Overall, it looks like it would fit comfortably with games like Skyward Sword or Mario Galaxy 2. That’s not exactly a good thing, especially when comparing how the Wii U can handle excellent graphics, as shown in games like Mario Kart 8 and Yoshi’s Woolly World. Framerate issues abound when anything happens on screen, including the frequent explosions. Whenever anything goes boom, the game turns choppy. You’ll often take lots of damage because of this. Pop-in is a big problem as well. Either every ship in the game has a cloaking device, or the developers just didn’t bother hiding these huge flagships fading in out of nowhere. It’s honestly embarrassing to look at.

          Then, there’s the sound. The music is traditional Star Fox fare, nothing too special or memorable. It doesn’t help that it’s often drowned out by the laser fire, even listening to the music on its own doesn’t show off any clear winners.

          The real problem with the sound is the character dialogue. Unlike Star Fox 64, where the dialogue was so goofy and cheesy it was fantastic, the dialogue in this game is borderline unbearable. Falco, Slippy and Peppy never stop talking, repeating dialogue over and over again until you want to tear your eardrums out. Make a mistake and fly into a building, and you’ll be hearing about it. Are you taking too long to finish a mission? You’ll get chastised. Mercifully, the voices only come out of the Wii U Gamepad, so with a flick of a switch, they can be muted and you’ll hear from the cast no more.

          And last, but certainly last not, the biggest issue with the game, and one I’m sure you’ve heard about. See, Andross isn’t the true villain of this game, and neither is Star Wolf. No, this time Fox McCloud’s biggest adversary comes from within. His Arwing itself is literally fighting against him. I’m talking of course about the heinous controls.

          Before playing, I read the reviews and heard what people said about the controls. I figured they couldn’t be that bad, and maybe they just required a little extra work. But until you get your hands on it yourself, you just don’t know.

          The controls (and by extension, the camera) in this game are absolutely unforgivable. They seemed to try for Splatoon-style control mechanics, with the Wii U Gamepad’s gyro controls being used to aim and the control stick to move. Whereas this works in a third-person shooter, however, it completely bombs in an on rails shooter like Star Fox.

          See, the Arwing sections in 64 and Assault work because you can clearly see what’s coming at you, and you have time to react accordingly. In Zero, you have no such advantage. The camera angle on the TV is so bad, you’ll only take out an enemy ship if you get super lucky. Otherwise, you need to look down at the Wii U Gamepad screen to use more precise aiming. This puts you in an Arwing cockpit view, allowing you to try and take out the enemies using the Gyro controls. More often than not, they’ll get away as you awkwardly shift your body to try and do anything.

          This leads to even more problems, if you can believe that. The cockpit view on the Wii U Gamepad has a very limited view, so you have no idea where you’re flying. I lost track of how many times I looked up from my Gamepad just to watch in horror as I crashed face first into a building. It’s the game equivalent of texting while driving.

          Fortunately, the Arwing isn’t the only available vehicle in the game. There is also the all new Walker, which I find to be the only good point in the game. Think of it as a shakier, looser version of Splatoon’s controls. It works passably, nothing to write home about though. Then there’s the Gyrocopter, an extremely slow and tedious helicopter that is a complete pain to play as. The Gyrocopter’s main feature is that it can drop down a tiny robot to hack computer panels and pick up items. That all sounds fine and dandy, but you often have to be extremely precise with where you place it, or else you need to reel him back in and slowly place him down again. Rinse and repeat until you get it right.

          Star Fox Zero is an embarrassment to Nintendo fans, the developers, the Wii U, and the Star Fox series as a whole. Even the huge delay it got from last winter to now wasn’t enough to salvage this shaky mess of a game. But still, seeing the poor reception and sales this game got, I can’t help but feel a little bit sorry for this series. Like it or not, there’s no denying that Zero may have inadvertently been Team Star Fox’s final flight.

FINAL SCORE

2/10

Awful