Almost as fun as sitting in traffic
(This
review is spoiler-free!)
Sometimes you’ll find a game that
boggles the mind in some way or another. Maybe it’s because it has some awesome
game mechanics, a spectacular story, or a soundtrack that goes right on your playlist.
Or sometimes it’s because it’s one of
the worst pieces of garbage you can’t believe actually made it to store
shelves.
Welcome to Micro Machines World Series, the latest entry to the Worst Game of
2017 pool. This game is the latest in the Micro
Machines series of games based off the famous toy line of the same name.
It’s also a complete waste of time, and is not only one of the worst racing
games I’ve ever played, but one of the worst games I’ve ever played bar none.
Let’s start with the facts. This is a
top-down racing game inspired by the toys. You can play as many different types
of vehicles, including tanks, fire trucks and the like. Doesn’t seem too hard
to pull off, right?
Much to my surprise, just moments into
the game it becomes apparent that this one is literally unplayable. Just trying
to turn corners is a monumental feat. The car veers out like a lawnmower trying
to figure skate with the slightest tap of the Control Stick, and the turning
circle makes you feel less like a police car and more like a drunken stunt
driver.
You’re basically doomed for last place
when competing against CPU players because I swear they cheat. Their cars don’t
have nearly the same turning circle as yours, and they can make the sharp
corners quickly and easily. I guess since they’re programmed to play the game it’s
kind of unfair, but I stood no chance against these racing champs.
There’s also a battle mode, but this
manages to control even worse than the racing. Your car continues to veer off
in whatever direction you’re pointing in while trying to turn, except now you
have the awful controls with the added pain of trying to aim at enemy vehicles
on top of it. It’s a near impossibility to find
your foes, let alone defeat them thanks to the controls you’re given.
This game costs $32.99, by the way.
Just thought I’d clear that up.
As one final experiment, I decided to
try the online mode and see if anyone was playing. After a minute and a half
spent waiting for a game, I was finally placed into a match with half human
players and half CPUs. And this is where things started to get silly.
An early part of the course featured a
sharp turn followed by a ramp. The ramp requires momentum to clear the gap it’s
built over, meaning that you can’t go over it slowly or you’ll fall off the
table.
Because of the awful controls and
turning circle, myself and all the other humans I was playing with fell off the
ramp in seconds. The kicker? All the CPUs cleared it no problem. After having a
good laugh I turned the game off and gave up on the thing.
Micro
Machines World Series is the pits. Never before have I seen a game with
such a simple concept fail so spectacularly. Every level feels like the ice
level thanks to the awful turning circle on the cars that make crashing into things
an inevitability, rendering all modes completely unplayable. If I were you, I’d
take this one back to the shop.
FINAL SCORE
1/10
Garbage
No comments:
Post a Comment