Wednesday 31 January 2018

Star Wars Wednesday: Hardware Wars

Hardware Wars

          These days Star Wars parodies are a dime a dozen. Everyone and their brothers have attempted a spoof of the series at least once, including Family Guy, Robot Chicken and even director Mel Brooks. But few know of the world’s first ever Star Wars parody. Buckle up and get ready for Hardware Wars.

          Released just seven months after the launch of A New Hope in 1977, Hardware Wars is a short film just under 13 minutes in length that parodies all the major events of the movie with basically no budget whatsoever. Starships are reimagined as irons and toasters (hilariously with the toast still inside), and like 90% of the props are made of stuff you can find at Home Depot, hence the title of the movie.

          The characters are all fun derivatives from the classic movie characters. Our hero this time around is Fluke Starbucker, a plucky young hero who enjoys driving around in his 70’s dune buggy and gets very easily excited at things. Also along for the ride is the mysterious Oggy “Ben” Doggy, the robot 4-Q-2 (who bears a striking resemblance to the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz), and the lovable Chewchilla the Wookie Monster, who definitely is an original creation of the filmmakers and not a Cookie Monster puppet dyed brown. Definitely.

          They climb into their trusty iron and journey on a mission to rescue Princess Ann-Droid from the clutches of Darph Nader, a sinister villain who unfortunately can’t be understood because his mask makes his voice all muffled. From there the crew encounters steam cabinets, animated pictures of tractors, and the scariest waffle iron in film history. It’s about as weird as you’d expect.

          Despite the obvious lack of budget, the film does have a pretty big guest star. Paul Frees, perhaps best known as the Ghost Host in Disney’s Haunted Mansion attraction among many other roles, narrates the parts of the short film that act as a trailer for the “movie”, including the infamous tagline: “You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll kiss three bucks goodbye!” Somewhat similarly, Scott Mathews, who played Fluke Starbucker, vowed to never act in a movie again afterwards, stating he was “going out on top!” He later went on to become an incredibly successful music producer, selling more than 40 million units and downloads and earning himself several gold and platinum music industry certifications.

          Hardware Wars received over fifteen first-place awards at film festivals and has grossed over a million dollars since its initial launch, being widely considered as the most successful short film of all time today. In 1999 while promoting Phantom Menace George Lucas went on record saying that Hardware Wars was his favourite Star Wars parody ever, and it appears on numerous Best Star Wars Fan Film lists.

          Perhaps the funniest fallout from the short was the small reference director Rian Johnson snuck into The Last Jedi. (very minor spoilers beyond this point!) About midway through the film there’s a scene where it looks like a starship is landing, emitting steam as it comes down onto the surface. Then the camera zooms out and it is revealed to be just an iron pressing clothes, just like the one that Starbucker and friends spend the short film zooming around in. According to Johnson, series composer John Williams especially enjoyed composing music for the iron.

          If you’re interested in seeing Hardware Wars for yourself, it isn’t too difficult to track down. DVD and VHS copies of the short are still available for purchase on Amazon as of this time of writing (though I’m not sure that paying $75 for a VHS copy of a thirteen minute long short from forty years ago is a smart investment). It’s also not too hard to find on YouTube, but you didn’t hear that from me. Whatever the case, there are many places for you to enjoy the short.

          Hardware Wars is perhaps one of the weirdest things to come out of Star Wars fandom, but it’s also somehow wound up as one of the most beloved. It’s hard to find a magazine or news special about the franchise and its massive fanbase that doesn’t mention this weird little short film starring a music producer, an iron and a brown Cookie Monster. Definitely give it a watch if you want to see what fans were making back in the first year of the movies.

Monday 29 January 2018

Editorial: Destined to fail

Destined to fail

          If anything the antics of publishers over the last few months have proved that the old saying “There’s no such thing as bad publicity” is a flat-out lie. Bungie and Activision have been especially targeted as of late for their recent treatment of Destiny 2, as the game transformed from one of the better shooters to come out of 2017 into one of the most reviled and disliked games of the year.

          If you missed the news I wouldn’t blame you, especially as Bungie’s shenanigans were supremely dwarfed by EA’s cataclysmic efforts to monetize Star Wars Battlefront II. Basically what’s been happening is that since launch Bungie has been pushing the microtransaction hub of the “Eververse” more and more, even using it to limit character customization options that were readily available in the previous franchise installment. The first large expansion, Destiny 2: The Curse of Osiris, was met with a resounding “meh” from both critics and fans, resulting in talk of the game continuing to diminish in the crucial holiday season. And now the game has been met with an analyst predicting dark days ahead for the franchise as a whole.

          According to an analyst from the CNBC, the primary source of Destiny 2’s current woes are, big shock, the microtransactions. He adds on that the franchise is at an all-time low of watch levels on Twitch, and that the game is at an especially bad place when compared to Call of Duty: WWII, which released not too much later.

          While the analyst lists off several more current issues with the game, including a vague road map on where Bungie would like to go with updates and a lack of communication from the dev team, it all ties back to one major problem: the players are unhappy.

          Just like in the Rollercoaster Tycoon games of back in the day, unhappy customers will result in your income being significantly reduced. Most modern shooters, especially those outside of the Call of Duty franchise that aren’t granted a new installment every single year, depend on continued updates to survive until the next game can come out in a year or two. The thing is that continued updates mean nothing if nobody’s playing the game because they got burned too badly. At this point I don’t care about whatever Bungie’s got up their sleeves next purely because of how they spent the last quarter plucking the feathers off their golden goose until all that was left was an ugly, naked bird. I’ve got plenty of other shooters that are still being supported to check out instead.

          What I find especially interesting about this specific situation is the source that the analyst came from. In gaming we usually get small websites devoted to the medium like Polygon, Kotaku or The Jimquisition talking about the current state of games and nothing more, but this came from the CNBC, which is a pretty big name in the financial industry. In the wake of Battlefront II turning into a PR nightmare the likes of which dwarfed even No Man’s Sky I wouldn’t be surprised if more and more of the bigger news publications started to spy on gaming for hot new stories. While I’m hoping that we never have another situation of literal politicians getting involved again (after all, only EA would screw up that badly, right?), you can’t deny that there are plenty of juicy stories going around as some of gaming’s usual suspects get up to their old money-grubbing tricks every now and again.

          And that should terrify these corporations.

          Part of why microtransactions and loot boxes were able to climax so badly in Battlefront II was the fault of how nobody was really able to tell EA that it wasn’t a great idea shoving all that stuff into their game to begin with. We’ve had plenty of games shove a mediocre title full of pay-to-win bullcrap and get away with it with just a few bad review scores and a couple of angry YouTubers and Reddit posts on their back. But imagine if one of these gaming disasters wound up on ABC News, or the BBC, or whatever your news broadcasting channel of choice is. Those channels reach a far wider audience than Kotaku ever will, and could lead to the industry equivalent of box-office bombs being created.

          As I said when I started this article, the old saying that all publicity is good publicity is a lie, especially when it comes to video games. While an especially bad movie might find an ironic audience somewhere, the need for constant player interaction in a game will lead to gamers quickly dropping it if they don’t like what they see. And with Destiny 2 and Battlefront II it’s been proven that one thing players don’t like are microtransactions and loot boxes infecting their $60 purchases.

Now, thanks to EA hitting the disaster jackpot, gaming has major news corporations keeping an eye on the industry to see if another Battlefront II will slither out of the woodwork anytime soon. With any luck, the mainstream media industry that YouTubers have been distasteful towards since the website dawned might hold the key to ending microtransactions before they can get any worse.

Song of the Week

The Wilds – Destiny 2

Saturday 27 January 2018

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D Review: “Best Laid Plans”

I want to get off Mr. Kasius’s Wild Ride
(This review contains spoilers!)

          So…that was an episode. I’ll give it this, at least we actually got a bit more than just the agents sitting around and talking in a feeble attempt to move the plot along this week. They actually had a few action sequences, and yeah, they were pretty great. Other than that though, this was yet another episode that is suffering from the fact that the space storyline has grown incredibly tired in just a short time, and we’re ready to move on to something different.

          Coulson’s team are trying to reunite with Mack on the Lighthouse by flying the ship up there, but unsurprisingly the engines are fried, requiring them to come up with a new solution. Meanwhile, Team Mack has made an incredible discovery: Tess is alive…somehow. Through her they discover that Kasius has booby-trapped the entire lighthouse, so it’s up to them to disarm the place before it all goes up in flames.

          It’s not a bad concept on paper, but it all falls flat for one specific reason: the direction. I don’t know who directed this one, but it wasn’t pretty, aside from the admittedly impressive first shot that made use of the Marvel logo of all things. Things that were clearly supposed to be tense wound up looking more comical, especially in the scenes where Coulson and Enoch were flying in the ship during the gravity storm. They were clearly just bouncing up and down in their seats to try and make it look like the storm was shaking them all over the place, but it looked more like they were just getting really fidgety in their seats.

          There’s also a scene where Coulson is walking and a wire falls down from the ceiling and hits him in the face. The fact that they put this random thing in the episode at all is hilarious on its own, but what makes it even funnier is that it was shot as an action sequence, with epic camera angles and everything. It’s so random and out of nowhere that I can’t tell if it was meant to be taken seriously or not.

          This episode also continues this season’s biggest problem I haven’t really touched upon in these reviews yet: the constant use of spinning cameras. You’d think that parts of this season took place in the middle of a carousel, because there are entire scenes that consist of the only camera angle being just spinning around the characters over and over and over, and this episode was no different. People prone to motion sickness be warned.

          This episode did have a few good points, though. Like I said earlier, the action scenes were up to S.H.I.E.L.D par, but nothing really special. I liked the solution of using the gravity storm to get off the surface, and I liked the concept behind Mack’s story (but why they thought doing a reversal on Tess dying would be a good idea is a mystery), and his meeting with Kasius at the end of the episode was pretty fun. Other than that I’ve officially checked out of this story arc. It’s just not that fun when the entire season is just the cast running back and forth between a few different rooms, unlike the usual globe-trotting adventures of the S.H.I.E.L.D crew. One has to wonder if their budget was slashed between Season 4 and now, because when compared to how great Ghost Rider looked last time around the CGI here is especially underwhelming.

          If I’m right I think next week is the last episode before we take a break for the Olympics, so hopefully it’ll finish with a bang. We certainly haven’t had one of those in a while.

FINAL SCORE
3/10

Bad

Wednesday 24 January 2018

Behind the Screens: 10 Things you NEVER knew about The Lord of the Rings

10 Things you NEVER knew about The Lord of the Rings

          Welcome to the first installment of Behind the Screens, the series where I’ll be talking about some of the most popular movies, TV shows, games and more and teaching you 10 facts about each that you likely have never heard!

          And what better film trilogy to start us off with than one of the greatest of all time: Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings. This massive trilogy is so full of secrets it’s impossible to cover them all in just 10, but here I’ll go over some of my favourites.

#1. It was one of the most dangerous sets ever

          Lord of the Rings is perhaps infamous for how often the actors got hurt while performing the scenes, as well as how often the takes where they got hurt wound up in the finished movie. Gandalf hitting his head on Bilbo’s ceiling in the beginning of Fellowship wasn’t scripted; Ian McKellen wasn’t looking where he was going and bumped into it, and his reaction is genuine. And while this take isn’t the one used in the final product, in one take of the ending to Fellowship where Sam runs into the lake to follow Frodo, Sean Astin stepped on a shard of broken glass and cut open his foot.

          But perhaps the most famous injury sustained in the movies was poor Viggo Mortensen in the beginning of The Two Towers. In the scene where Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli discover the orc camp burned by the Riders of Rohan, thinking that Merry and Pippin were killed in the chaos Aragorn kicks an orc helmet, lets out a scream of anguish and falls to his knees. The thing is, while the helmet kick was scripted, the scream was not. That’s because it was actually poor Viggo crying out in pain after he broke two toes kicking the very real helmet!

          Despite all these injuries by the human cast members, not a single horse was hurt throughout the entire production.

#2. The original casting choices were…unusual

          Nowadays Viggo Mortensen and Ian McKellen are synonymous with their characters of Aragorn and Gandalf respectively. But did you know that neither of them were the original choices for the roles?

          The first choice to play Gandalf was none other than Sean Connery, best known as the original James Bond actor and Indiana Jones's father in The Last Crusade. However, upon reading the script Connery admitted he had no idea what was going on, and while he admitted he’d be interested in a role he didn’t fully understand, he was further turned off by the lengthy shoot as all three movies were shot simultaneously.

          Aragorn’s case was even weirder. Filmmakers initially looked at professional internet meme Nicolas Cage for the role, who turned it down because, similar to Connery, the shoot was a little too long for his tastes and he didn’t want to be away from his family for that long. He was then replaced by then-unknown actor Stuart Townsend (…okay, still-unknown actor), who actually made it to the set and started training for the part. Just before filming began to start Jackson decided he wanted someone older for the part, and the at-the-time 28 year old wasn’t cutting it. The filmmakers reached out to Viggo to see if he was interested, and after insistence by his son that he take the role, the rest became history.

#3. Christopher Lee has a major part in Tolkien history

          If you’ve never checked out Christopher Lee’s Wikipedia page, you’re missing out. The guy was the true example of living life to the fullest, as he starred in over 200+ movies, was an accomplished soldier in World War II, wrote an entire heavy metal album when he was 92, and had the best voice that anyone ever had. No offense to Morgan Freeman, but seriously, it’s not even a contest.

          He was also notable for being the only person that worked on the entire trilogy to have met J.R.R. Tolkien in person. Lee was a mega-fan of the books, reading them at least once a year. Tolkien enjoyed Lee’s work in the past, and decided that, should a movie based on the books ever be made, he had his blessing to play Gandalf.

          Unfortunately, by the time The Lord of the Rings finally made it to proper production Lee was too old to play Gandalf, as the role required much more swordplay and horse riding than he was capable of. However, Jackson didn’t hesitate in casting him as the evil wizard Saruman, stating that he was perfect for the role.

#4. Sean Bean walked to set every day in full Boromir costume

          Fellowship of the Ring featured lots of scenes of the Fellowship walking on mountaintops and other areas of high-elevation, and it stood to reason that the cast and crew would take helicopters up the mountains to shoot them. But Sean Bean was so scared of heights that he instead chose to take the two hour walk up the mountain to set almost every day in full costume.

          The cast and crew would often look out the window on their way up to the set and see him still a long way off, hiking up the steep hills dressed as Boromir. If anything, at least he stayed fit.

#5. Jar Jar Binks was an integral part of creating Gollum

          The motion capture used to create Gollum is undoubtedly one of the most tremendous effects in the entire trilogy, still looking great even as we approach the 20th (!!!) anniversary of the films. But what you might not know is that the technology used to bring him to life might’ve not been possible if not for one of the most hated characters in cinema history.

          Knowing that he wanted to make Gollum a motion-capture character, Jackson wanted some advice on how to best bring him to life. At the time the best example was George Lucas’ team at Industrial Light and Magic, who had used the technology for Jar Jar in The Phantom Menace in 1999. Lucas and his team even trekked out to New Zealand to help with Gollum, and Jackson made a few trips to Skywalker Ranch to get the ILM people’s opinion on what he’d done.

          So next time you’re making fun of Jar Jar, remember that without Lucas using him as a testing grounds for motion capture characters Gollum might’ve not looked nearly as good.

#6. The Uruk-hai at Helm’s Deep have the voices of cricket fans

          To properly capture the sound of a massive army of Uruks chanting and jeering at the people trapped behind the walls of Helm’s Deep, Jackson visited a local cricket match. During halftime he ran out onto the field with a microphone during a break in the game and conducted the 20,000 people in the stadium to chant in the Black Speech of Mordor.

          So next time you’re watching Two Towers and make it to the Battle of Helm’s Deep, prepare to be terrified with the knowledge that Theoden and crew are being faced down by an army of people who just wanted to go watch a friendly game of cricket.

#7. Peter Jackson cameos all over the place

          Directors and other notable people cameoing in their movies are always fun to find, and Peter Jackson has three well known appearances across the trilogy. But did you know he’s in the movies more than you’d think?

          First of all, you can see his three intentional cameos once in each movies. Firstly he plays a man chomping on a carrot when the hobbits first arrive in Bree in Fellowship. In Two Towers he throws a spear in Helm’s Deep. And while this one is much easier to spot in the Extended Edition, you can see him as a pirate that gets accidentally shot by Legolas after Gimli hits hit foot before firing a warning arrow.

          But these are just the more famous examples. Jackson also has a few other hidden appearances. Over Bilbo’s fireplace you can see portraits of Jackson and his wife and co-writer Fran Walsh reimagined as hobbits. You get a better look at them in the last Hobbit movie, so if you really want to see them up-close that’s where to go. His last cameo is the hardest to spot, as without knowledge of it it’s impossible to find. In the scene where Shelob is about to snack on Frodo, the camera pulls back to reveal Sam’s arm holding Sting as he confronts the spider. Only…that’s not Sean Astin’s arm. It’s Peter Jackson’s. I guess they just couldn’t get a good shot of both Sean’s arm and the spider at the same time.

#8. The Council of Elrond is hiding a funny secret

          We all know the iconic scene where the Fellowship is formed by Elrond in Rivendell, but there’s something particularly silly happening in the scene that most don’t notice.

          Despite the scene itself taking place in an outdoor balcony, it was shot indoors. In the area outside the balcony, you can see leaves dropping to create the illusion they’re outside. They created this effect by having crew members stand on the roof of the set and manually dropping leaves down!

#9. Aragorn was originally planned to duke it out with Sauron

          There’s a lot going on at the end of Return of the King during the Battle of the Black Gates, but initially it was going to be even crazier.

          While Frodo and Gollum are struggling with the ring in Mount Doom, the scene cuts back to the rest of the team fighting at the Black Gates. There’s a shot where Aragorn stops, turns around, and is confronted with a massive cave troll that he proceeds to fight one on one. This wasn’t what happened in the original cut of the scene. What was shot was Aragorn facing off against a physical manifestation of Sauron, as a sort of parallel to the fight between Isildur and Sauron that kicks off the trilogy.

          By the time the movie made it to post-production, Jackson wasn’t a fan of having Sauron show up in person anymore. The VFX team cropped in a giant cave troll instead, and that was that. You can actually still find a few rough cuts of Aragorn vs. Sauron online though!

#10. Throughout the entire trilogy, one thing remains constant:

          Legolas never misses.

          Seriously, rewatch the movies and pay close attention to Legolas’s arrows. He always hits something, and it’s almost always his intended target. The only times his arrows go slightly astray is in Two Towers where he hits the orc suicide bomber in his shoulder instead of his head, and in Return of the King when Gimli bumps his leg before he fires his warning shot and he hits Pirate Peter Jackson by accident. Other than that he’s flawless.

          Are there any I missed? Let me know, and I’ll see you next time for more Behind the Screens! Next episode will be releasing February 21!

Monday 22 January 2018

Editorial: Was the Wii U really that bad?

Was the Wii U really that bad?

          Nintendo announced this week that both Hyrule Warriors and Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, two landmark titles from the Wii U, would be leaving their starting console behind and jumping ship to the Nintendo Switch. Porting games from the Wii U seems to have become a favourite pastime for Nintendo these days, as these two are hot off the heels of Mario Kart 8 and Pokken Tournament making their way to Switch and Super Mario Maker and Yoshi’s Woolly World landing on the 3DS. It’s also easy to argue that Splatoon 2 is pretty similar to the original title on the Wii U, just with a lot of new content. Fans are also expecting the next Smash Bros to be an upgraded port of the Wii U title just with some new characters, stages and the like.

          Unsurprisingly a port of Star Fox Zero remains unannounced.

          All these games jumping ship really got me thinking: was the Wii U really that bad? I mean, this is really the first time Nintendo’s done this. Aside from a few instances, Nintendo’s never really done direct ports outside of the Virtual Console, instead favouring full-blown remakes of their classic titles with upped graphics and new features. But now the Wii U is quickly losing a lot of exclusive titles as they’re being moved to Switch in droves.

          One of the most obvious reasons why this is happening can be answered just by looking at Nintendo’s recent sales figures: the Switch has sold more units in its first year than the Wii U did in its entire lifespan. The Wii U had plenty of awesome games in its library that went undeservingly missed just because most people weren’t interested in the console itself. By bringing them to the Switch, now those who passed on the Wii U can give awesome games like Mario Kart 8 and Tropical Freeze a try.

          But the Wii U’s library being essentially shipped out to a much more successful console definitely has bred some contempt among fans who bought Wii Us, making them feel like they were “guinea pigs” for what would eventually become the Switch. There’s a lot of similarities between the two consoles: a large tablet-style controller, as well as two separate ways to play (one on TV, the other on the controller).

          The thing is that even after just one year, the Switch has easily made it clear that it is the superior console of the two. Ignoring sales numbers entirely, the Switch feels like everything the Wii U wanted to be. You can take the console everywhere with no issue, unlike the Wii U which started to have connection issues when it was more than a few metres away from the console. Every game makes use of the portability feature, unlike the Wii U where some games could only be played on the TV, no exceptions.

          While the Wii U might’ve been fun while it was the hot new thing, now that it’s a dead console its place in history will be cemented: it’s gonna be remembered as the awkward underselling console that Nintendo stuck in between the huge successes of the Wii and the Switch. It tried to sell itself on the enormous record-breaking name of its predecessor, but as a result confused the casual crowd who initially mistook it for an extra peripheral for the Wii. And now the clunky big GamePad that could barely make it out of the room without having connection issues looks positively archaic when compared to the sleek and functional design behind the Switch. The fact that the Switch is now getting some of the Wii U’s biggest successes for free just feels like Nintendo’s kicking the poor console while it’s down.

          But despite everything, I still have fond memories of the Wii U, and revisiting some of its greatest hits on the Switch is a great way to look back on how good the few games the console got were. If you haven’t given Tropical Freeze a try, definitely give it a shot when it comes out in May.

Song of the Week

Aquatic Ambience – Donkey Kong Country

Saturday 20 January 2018

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D Review: “The Last Day”

Flight to nowhere
(This review contains spoilers!)

          Time travel is a tricky and dangerous subject to tackle in any form of media. There are so many pitfalls, traps and continuity errors you can create via a time travel story, but perhaps worst you could possibly do is leave your audience scratching their heads in confusion.

          This week’s S.H.I.E.L.D continued the trend started last week of episodes where the writers know where Point A and Point B are, but aren’t too sure about exactly how to get the characters there. This results in an episode that is spent watching the majority of the characters sitting around and talking until one of them figures out a plot point. It’s sterile, boring, doesn’t really move the overarching story too much, and ultimately it isn’t fun to watch.

          The team has made it to the surface (except Mack and Yo-Yo, but we’ll get to them in a second), and discovered the Zephyr is still there albeit unable to fly. There’s also a few surviving humans onboard, including Robin, the future-predicting kid Fitz met up with earlier in the season. Most of this episode is spent trying and failing to get information out of her about how to save the world, which (surprise!) we don’t get until the end of the episode.

          The rest of the time is spent trying and failing to get her to say something of importance, only for her to get cold feet at the last moment. There’s even a scene where she goes “Daisy…you have to…you have to…” and then stops talking. That doesn’t add tension or intrigue, it’s just frustrating. The character is saying “I have something important to the story I need to tell you, but I’m not going to yet because we need to fill 44 minutes.”

          Meanwhile Mack and Yo-Yo are still on the Lighthouse with Flint because…they needed something to do I guess. And here lies the current biggest problem with the season: Flint sucks. I mean, he really sucks. He’s easily the most useless and annoying character S.H.I.E.L.D has ever had, and that’s including Lincoln during his particularly pissy moments in Season 3. He just goes and does stuff without any real reason for why he’s doing them, and Mack follows because…again, he needs something to do, I guess. His personality is as bland as a piece of stale toast, he’s always complaining about something or other, and doesn’t contribute anything to the ongoing story despite the writers clearly wanting him to be a major player this season.

          Really makes you appreciate the Stranger Things kids, doesn’t it?

          That being said, this episode does have a lot of good stuff going for it. While it was pretty confusing from a timeline perspective, I did think the flashback sequences of May and Fitz first building the Lighthouse and trying to figure out a way to fix everything were pretty good. I really liked how they showed other sides of the characters personalities, like May’s more gentle and caring side and Fitz acting more akin to his Framework self when confronted with the idea of Simmons dying. The last scene with May and Robin ties everything together really well overall, and is actually pretty heartfelt.

          There wasn’t too much in terms of action this week, but I did think that Yo-Yo using her superspeed to kill the roaches was a fun little bit, even if the roaches did look like CGI straight out of the early 2000’s. Seriously, those things looked awful. What happened to how great Ghost Rider looked last season?

          This episode is…not great. It just feels like playing the waiting game as the episode inches closer and closer to the point where Robin just cuts the crap and tells them what they need to do. Mack and Yo-Yo’s story has no real point since we know they’re gonna have to meet up with the rest of the team eventually (especially since the episode ends with May telling them that Flint is an important part of the mission), most of what the rest of the team does this week is sit around waiting for something to happen, and Flint is still really, really unlikable. While I did love this storyline at the start, I’ll admit I’m ready to get back to something a little more recognizable soon.

FINAL SCORE
4/10

Mediocre

Wednesday 17 January 2018

Star Wars Wednesday: Star Tours - The Adventures Continue

Star Tours: The Adventures Continue

          Back in June I did an article talking about the original Star Tours and how it became one of the first major Star Wars experiences outside of the movies. At the end of the article I promised I’d touch upon its sequel, The Adventures Continue, someday, and with the ride having just been updated now feels like the perfect time for that.

          The year is 2009, over 20 years after the launch of the original Star Tours. With the Prequel Trilogy having wrapped up a few years prior, Disney announced plans to update the old ride with elements from the new movies. There would be a new film in high-definition 3D that took you to several favourite planets from the Star Wars galaxy, including Tatooine and Hoth.

          The original film took its final flight in 2010 in both Anaheim and Orlando (but for whatever reason it continued to play in both Tokyo and Paris until 2012 and 2016 respectively), and preparations began to revamp the ride into a brand new adventure. Good ol’ Captain Rex was finally removed from the pilot seat once and for all in favour of the more famous face of C-3PO, and the timeline date was changed from post-Return of the Jedi to between Revenge of the Sith and A New Hope (not that it mattered, as Adventures Continue turned out to be pretty blatantly non-canon). The biggest announcement to come out during refurbishment was that the ride would be completely randomized, with several different scenes chosen for each ride, only to be switched out for the next. At opening there were 54 different combinations of scenes that were possible to experience, and that number has only grown since then.

          The queue is almost identical, aside from a few small additions. In the second room you can now spy a deactivated Captain Rex who sometimes spouts a quote or two from the original ride. One of the old repair droids has also been repurposed as a baggage check droid, who scans the luggage of everyone coming onboard. Keep an eye out for several references and in-jokes to Disney, Pixar, the Parks and other Star Wars stuff in the luggage while you pass him. There’s a lot of clever nods hidden in there!

          Upon reaching the docking bay you’re treated to a brief pre-show as well as the ubiquitous safety message. It turns out that C-3PO has been called to fix a malfunctioning motivator, taking the place of the designated pilot and accidentally getting locked inside. Once you make it onboard and the Starspeeder begins to move it doesn’t take long for things to go haywire. Either Darth Vader or a swarm of Stormtroopers swoop down and inform you that there’s a Rebel spy hidden onboard. Hilariously the spy Vader’s looking for is a picture taken of somebody on the ride with you. After escaping him, we zoom off into a journey through the galaxy as we try to deliver the spy to the Rebellion safely.

          As I mentioned before, Adventures Continue is completely randomized, but it is always separated into four scenes: Opening, Planet #1, Secret Message, and Planet #2. The opening is, as mentioned before, where Vader or the stormtroopers confront you about the rebel spy and you escape. Planet #1 is where you end up after 3PO frantically hits lightspeed. You can land on Kashyyyk and encounter Chewie, Hoth where you are pursued by AT-ATs, or Tatooine where you participate in a podrace. Next up R2 recieves a secret transmission from either Yoda, Leia or Admiral Ackbar, who send you coordinates for the secret Rebel base you must deliver the spy to. Finally you arrive at Planet #2, which can be either Naboo, Coruscant, or you accidentally wind up at the Death Star as it orbits Geonosis. No matter what the Empire throws at you your mission is successful and you deliver the spy safely to your destination. But little do you know that after disembarking you will be confronted by the Dark Side itself: a gift shop! Aaaaaahhhh!!!

          The Adventures Continue was an enormous success, taking the tried but true formula of the original film and taking it to the next level. People loved it so much that when the new movies began to roll out, fans asked for new scenes based on them, and Disney was happy to deliver. When Force Awakens launched a new scene was added to the Planet #1 section where you land on Jakku and are aided by Finn in escaping some TIE Fighters, as well a new secret transmission from BB-8. This, however, did cause a bit of a timeline problem, as it was a bit confusing to see Darth Vader followed immediately by Finn 30 years later. Disney fixed this problem just a few months ago with the release of new scenes for The Last Jedi, as they created an entirely separate albeit mostly unrandomized film set in the Sequel Trilogy timeline. Now you are met with Kylo Ren in the opening before escaping to Jakku, getting a secret transmission from either BB-8, Poe Dameron or Maz Kanata, fleeing to Crait to meet up with Poe before finally delivering the spy to Batuu, the planet that the upcoming Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge land will be set on.

                If memory serves me right the Sequel Trilogy film is the only one playing right now, but Disney has announced plans to have both that and the original Adventures Continue film airing side by side before too long. While I haven’t been able to try the new scenes yet, I can safely say that the classic Adventures Continue is the definitive way to experience Star Tours. The randomized nature of the film adds an extra layer of unpredictability to the ride as you have no idea what’s going to come next, and unless you get really unlucky with the scene selection it’s not too difficult to experience all the scenes in a single vacation. While Galaxy’s Edge looks really promising, next time you’re at a Disney park be sure to check out the original and the best Star Wars theme park adventure.

Monday 15 January 2018

Editorial: Battle Royale with Cheese

Battle Royale with Cheese

          There’s no denying that the biggest surprise game from last year was PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds, or PUBG. What initially looked like yet another boring multiplayer survival game that would get popular in the Let’s Player community for about a month before disappearing into obscurity and never actually make it out of Early Access somehow managed to defy the odds and become one of the biggest indie names to come out of 2017. It earned Game of the Year nominations, a strong following on both Twitch and YouTube, and the title of the most-played game on all of Steam. That’s no small feat.

          So it’s no surprise that this is gonna be the next game the Triple-A publishers are gonna try to rip off!

          Everyone’s favourite Overwatch knockoff Paladins announced recently it would be trying to get back in the public eye doing the only thing it knows how: by ripping off whatever is the most popular shooter right now. A Battle Royale mode is coming to the game soon, adding in a massive map 100 players can battle it out in until one is crowned the champion.

          Oh, and the mode is literally called Battlegrounds because of course it is.

          With this announcement game journalists quickly attached themselves to the idea that more and more games should include a Battle Royale mode as an extra bonus in addition to the core deathmatch and team-based multiplayers that have become industry standard. PUBG was a huge success, so the main developers would be crazy not to ape it, right?

          Well, I personally don’t think that’s exactly the case.

          For one thing, PUBG is built entirely around the idea of a Battle Royale mode. It isn’t a palate cleanser to a more well-designed multiplayer or a singleplayer campaign. The game is the Battle Royale. That’s what you pay for, and that’s what you get.

          If a developer decides they want to build an entire game around a Battle Royale-style gamemode to compete with PUBG that’s another story entirely, but there’s no way anybody can compete with the current crown jewel of the genre if they treat it as just another disposable side mode. If they don’t put in the time and effort that PlayerUnknown did to create their big success, they’ll just come off looking like another game trying to make some easy money by doing something similar to what a big-name title found success in.

          Look at what happened around the time Overwatch came out. There were other similar hero-based shooters popping up around the time, namely Battleborn and the previously mentioned Paladins. But as neither of them really had much original content to show that you couldn’t find in the more recognizable Blizzard game, they were quickly dismissed as games trying to piggyback off of the current hotshot. “If you liked Overwatch, here’s a game just like it!” they cried, but at the end of the day the people who liked Overwatch…kept playing Overwatch. Why take a risk and give a different game a chance when you had a tried and true multiplayer game that you knew did the concept right, especially when these alternatives didn’t seem different enough to warrant giving them a try.

          And this is the lesson developers need to learn before they all jump on the Battle Royale train. To compete with PUBG, one thing is crucial: be more than PUBG! Don’t just vomit up the same thing players have already been enjoying for months now except with a different art style and a few unique weapons. If you do that, everyone’s just gonna look at you and say “Well, they’re trying to be PUBG. Doesn’t look like it’s worth playing.” But if you do something new and different with the concept instead, that might catch the eye of players tired of the same old, same old of the older game looking for something similar but with a new twist that makes the concept feel brand new again.

          We don’t want to play a game we already own except with a different name. We want to try something that dares to be different than the norm, and might turn out even better than the starting point.

Song of the Week

Nintendogs Bath Time (Vocal Mix) – Super Smash Bros. 4

Saturday 13 January 2018

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D Review: “Together or Not at All”

The blue brothers
(This review contains spoilers!)

           S.H.I.E.L.D has enjoyed back-to-back awesome episodes, with Fitz’s amazing solo adventure and the Clark Gregg-directed gladiatorial arena episode last week. But the thing about two great episodes tied together is that the first episode following them that is just plain average will end up feeling way inferior because of it. This was one of those episodes.

          I feel like this was an episode that was only made because the showrunners needed to meet the 22-episode contract. Everything that happened this week probably could’ve filled half an episode’s worth of content, but instead it was stretched out into a full episode for some reason.

          The team needs to meet up with each other again. That’s the big story for this week. Everyone’s running in circles everywhere for a long time, and then they find each other. It doesn’t exactly make for invigorating TV.

          Meanwhile, Kasius’s brother is taking control of the station. Kasius and Sinara are having none of that, and kill him and his entire army. And…yeah, that’s pretty much it. There’s also some stuff with May on the surface running into Enoch and then being captured by a mysterious force, as well as Mack trying to help out Flint (the new inhuman kid) deal with losing Tess, but it all just seems like setup, and if we are doing the pod format again setup this late in a storyline isn’t exactly good writing.

          Fitz, Simmons and Daisy’s storyline in the first half is especially bizarre and hilarious. For some reason one of them has to be hurt for the whole time. When the episode starts, Daisy is the one hurt. But then Simmons gets hurt and Daisy’s injury is never mentioned again. But then Fitz gets hurt and Simmons’ injury is never mentioned again. And then they all meet up with Coulson and make miraculous recoveries. What!? Why would you hurt all three of the characters randomly if it wasn’t gonna go anywhere?

          One of the only really interesting things in this episode was the reintroduction of Gravitonium, last glimpsed in the very early days of Season 1. If you don’t remember, Gravitonium was this massive goop ball being used by this one scientist guy to try to control gravity, but then he fell into it at the end of the episode. The post credits tease saw him reaching out of it before being pulled back in, so they were definitely setting it up for something. Maybe they were gonna turn him into the super-powered Graviton from the comics but things just didn’t work out?

          Well, it’s finally back, and it’s being used to power the entire Lighthouse’s artificial gravity. No sign of the scientist guy though. We only had a brief glimpse of it before the characters had to move on, but it was enough to tease that it might play a bigger role this season.

          Overall, this was a really weak episode. Nothing was accomplished here that could’ve been covered in the first half of an episode, leaving everything feeling drawn out and unnecessary. The whole episode was just this: “Run! Run! Wait, let’s stop and talk for a few minutes. Oh shoot, bad guys! Run!” rinsed and repeated for 45 minutes. Maybe it’s just because the last few episodes were so good that this one pales in comparison, but that’s still no excuse. After getting two really good episodes, viewers should expect that quality to continue, not abruptly stop and give us nothing.

FINAL SCORE
4/10

Mediocre

Tuesday 9 January 2018

Chill Chat: Stranger Things

Stranger Things

          If there’s one show I was deliberately trying to avoid for a while, it was Stranger Things. You know how when everyone is telling you how great something is you become sorta wary of it because it couldn’t possibly live up to expectations? That’s what happened to me. Add in the fact that it’s very, very hard for something in the horror genre to impress me and I wasn’t exactly eager to jump in.

          But I finally decided it was worth a try just to make the people who were recommended it to me happy, so I sat down and binged the first half of the first season. And then the second half of the first season. And then the second season over the next few days.

          And then I went out and bought a box of Eggos to help cope with the fact the show isn’t coming back for over a year.

          Yeah, I liked it a lot.

          If you’ve missed it, Stranger Things is Netflix’s biggest name original series. Inspired by all things 80’s, the first season tells the story of a young boy whoosed away by supernatural forces and a small town’s efforts to find him. Along the way they discover secret government experiments, alternate dimensions, and a weird girl with telekinetic powers.

          The show feels a lot like the creators sat down and asked themselves “What if E.T. met Alien?” There are several callbacks to Spielberg’s extra-terrestrial blockbuster sprinkled throughout, from Reese’s Pieces to the iconic bike chase. But thankfully the show doesn’t become a pop culture-fest where every second you’re being bombarded with a reference to something or other. Stranger Things wears it’s inspirations like a badge of honour, using them to create something brand new and excellent instead of copying what was done before.

          While all the actors are excellent (with major props going to both Winona Rider and David Harbour), the real breakout stars here are the kids. There’s a reason why you don’t see a lot of awesome kid characters in movies, TV or otherwise: firstly, a lot of writers don’t know how to do kids. They either make them sound too much like adults (M. Night Shyamalan is especially guilty of this) or they end up way too annoying and you want them to just go away. And secondly, even if the writer and director know how to handle kids, there’s no guarantee that the kid actor will be any good. For every one Haley Joel Osment there’s usually about ten Jake Lloyds.

          This isn’t the case here. Out of all the kids on the show, not a single one makes you cringe and go “Yep, they should’ve used someone else”. They’re all stunningly good, especially when you consider their age. Best of all, they feel like real kids. They do things that kids their age would do, even if it doesn’t seem like the brightest idea considering the current plot situation. They get into fights, they ride their bikes everywhere, they eat way too much junk food, all that good stuff. It propels you right back to what it was like when you were a kid, and it’s great.

          And yes, it must be said that Millie Bobby Brown as Eleven is amazing. She conveys so much while saying so little that she quickly becomes your favourite before the first episode is even over, and she holds onto that title throughout the rest of the show. She’s a super talented actress and I can’t wait to see more of her.

          Speaking of Eleven, the most fun part of the show is the mythos and all the big surprises that are unravelled over the course of each season. While I don’t want to spoil any of them for anyone who hasn’t seen the show yet, I’ll just say that Stranger Things is one of those shows that leaves you constantly on the edge of your seat even when it seems like nothing is happening. Danger is around every turn, and you very quickly become attached to the characters and want them to make it out safely. I’ve always said that the sign of a great show is when you know the names of all the characters right after it finishes, and this is no exception. I lost track of how often me and the people I watched with were going “DUSTIN!” “MIKE!” “WILL!” and so on throughout the show.

          If I did have one gripe with the show overall, it’d be that Season 2 isn’t quite as good as Season 1 was. It’s still incredibly stellar (a solid 8/10 if I were to rate it), but it does have quite a few problems. The biggest issue is the one everyone’s said already: there’s an episode towards the end of the season that completely grinds the storyline to a halt, losing a lot of the momentum the season had up to that point. I don’t hate filler episodes as long as they’re well paced with the good stuff and they’re not a complete chore to watch, but as this episode was poorly timed to come just before the season’s climactic episodes, didn’t have much to do with anything else going on and overall just felt like wasted time so the showrunners could have nine episodes instead of eight, I wasn’t exactly a fan. The good news is that mistakes are necessary on the road to making something great, and with every show bad episodes are inevitable. They’re great learning experiences for the crew and writing team as they can figure out what went wrong there.

          Overall I loved both seasons of Stranger Things. This is the rare show that even after hearing everybody and your brother tell you how great it is and raising your expectations as high as the sky, it pretty much lives up to everything you hoped it would be. The cast and characters are great, the sci-fi elements are awesome and are balanced well with the more realistic side of the show, and the story never gets carried away into becomes a reference-a-thon and instead uses the in-jokes and homages to 80’s pop culture to create something new and great. If you haven’t checked it out yet, definitely give the first few episodes a shot. You won’t be disappointed.

Monday 8 January 2018

Editorial: A Skyrim Situation

A Skyrim Situation

          Remakes and remasters are extremely popular these days, and for good reason. Fans of older games love to see them brought onboard to new generations of consoles, especially if they’re from the days before HD gaming and they get a graphical upgrade. But sometimes you stumble upon one of those games brought into the current generation that really should’ve stayed back in its original form, instead using a sequel to bring the franchise to a new console.

          Today we’ll be talking about the Nintendo Switch version of Skyrim and how it’s time for Bethesda to let the poor game die in peace.

          There’s no denying that Skyrim is one of, if not the most influential game released in the 2010’s. The granddaddy of the modern open-world adventure games, modern favourites like The Witcher 3, Horizon Zero Dawn and Zelda: Breath of the Wild have Skyrim to thank for paving the way for the genre back in 2011. Bethesda received several well-deserved awards for the game, as well as world recognition as the company behind one of the greatest games ever made at the time.

          Yes, it’s no secret Bethesda loves their baby, and I can’t blame them for that. As such it came as a surprise to no one that the game was ported to PS4 and Xbox One in 2016 as Skyrim: Special Edition. The remaster promised a graphical upgrade to the game, several new shaders to play around with, all DLC packs included, and mod support on certain consoles. With no new Elder Scrolls game in sight anytime soon, fans were hoping that the Special Edition would be the definitive version of Skyrim with many of the game’s infamous bugs scrubbed out.

          Unfortunately, this isn’t what turned out. While at its core the Special Edition is the same game fans fell in love with in 2011, that’s also the remaster’s biggest problem: it’s the same game, just with a bit of a graphical upgrade for the new generation so it doesn’t stick out like a sore thumb alongside other modern day games. Many of the plentiful bugs that ran amuck when the game first released were still there years later, since apparently no one at Bethesda bothered to fix them.

          Like I mentioned earlier, Skyrim is responsible for the inspiration behind several amazing modern open world adventure games. But the big problem here is that it’s impossible not to compare the game with the ones that took what it did and went beyond that. Skyrim feels antiquated these days when compared to Horizon, like a last-generation phone that a company is inexplicably trying to push as competition to the new stuff. Instead of being fondly remembered as a champion that lit the torch for the hugely popular genre, the game now looks instead like one behind the times, so caught up in how great it was in its glory days that it hasn’t noticed gaming has moved onto bigger and better things in the genre.

          The big question for me is…where the heck is Elder Scrolls VI? If Bethesda could make Skyrim one of the most beloved open world games ever back when there was really nothing else like it, imagine what they could do when asked to make a new game from the same franchise using the same technology backing the big name games from the past few years! I have no doubt that franchise fans would be all over that, and it’d be great to have a new game set the bar for what the genre can do.

          And then Bethesda will surely port it to every system ever over the next few years like they did with Skyrim, but I digress.

          To paraphrase Luke Skywalker, it’s time for Skyrim to end. The remaster felt pretty lazy, especially when most of the bugs people complained about way back in 2011 inexplicably stuck around. The game itself feels archaic and dated when compared to the currently-releasing genre darlings, and considering that the remaster of a 2011 game costs the same as a brand new copy of 2017’s Breath of the Wild on Nintendo Switch, comparing it to modern stuff is inevitable. It’s unsurprising to me that Bethesda still loves the game that propelled them into worldwide recognition, but they need to move on. Just like how Skyrim was the sequel to the equally beloved Oblivion, The Elder Scrolls franchise needs to move on to a sixth installment to stay in people’s minds as a series that’s up to date and not resting on the laurels of the past.

Song of the Week

Main Theme – The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim