Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Review

A review in two parts

(This review contains mild spoilers. However, there will be a section where I go no-holds-barred about the entire book. There will be a red warning at the beginning and end of the spoiler section.)

          Allow me to make something clear. I love Harry Potter. It is by far my favourite book series of all time. I make it a point to read the series at least once a year if I can, and I’m always ready to watch one of the first four movies (anything by David Yates can go die in a hole as far as I’m concerned). My house is full of Harry Potter merchandise, from a Lego Hogwarts, to the Sorting Hat, to replicas of various wands. I’ve even tried to make my own Butterbeer. This is one of my favourite franchises out there.

          And yet, when it was announced that in 2016 we would be getting an eighth book in the form of a play script, I was apprehensive. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is one of the best finales of any fictional series in my opinion. Could another book improve upon that or ruin it entirely?

          Well, as it turns out, neither. The Cursed Child stands entirely on its own, because I refuse to accept this charade as part of the official series canon. This package being sold for around $30, being labelled as “The Eighth Story, Nineteen Years Later” is no more than glorified fan fiction, written by talentless hacks with zero respect for the original books.

          Where to begin? Well, let’s start at the beginning. The basics of the plot (without giving anything away) start where Deathly Hallows ended, with Harry sending his son Albus to Hogwarts. Now, while this is a sweet scene at the end of the final book, here, the dialogue is terrible, everything feels clunky, and the characters all feel like pale imitations of themselves (almost like the movie characters! Ha ha).

          I thought to myself, “No way is this it. It’s going to get better.” But as the first act came to an end, and the second act began, it sank in. I realized how it must’ve felt to see Phantom Menace on opening night after more than a decade without a Star Wars movie. It was a feeling I couldn’t describe, more than disappointment, yet less than anger. I just felt straight up bad.

          As the book progresses, the characters don’t. They stay the same throughout the book, with their one-note personalities only barely resembling the original characters. Harry is a jerky, big headed loser, Draco is a stressed out father, Ginny is a doting wife, Hermione is the cool headed logical one, and Ron…well…Ron is slapstick comedy.

          As for the new characters, we only really spend time with two: Albus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy. Albus is essentially hormone Harry from Order of the Phoenix times ten, because he’s horrendously irritating on every single page he’s on. He never listens to anyone to the point where you want to scream, he’s a jerk to nearly every character, and there is NOTHING likeable about him.

          Scorpius gets the better end of the deal, but he’s mostly a splice of the basic elements of Ron and Hermione from the original books. He’s got some wit (although a grand total of zero of his jokes land), and he uses his book smarts to get Albus out of trouble. Out of everything in his book, he’s probably the best part, although I can’t see myself wanting to spend any more time with him.

          As the book goes on, things start not great, then go to bad, to worse, before we finally arrive at a climax so terrible, it’s almost funny.

(SPOILERS BEGIN HERE)

(I’M NOT KIDDING, I GIVE AWAY EVERYTHING. IF YOU STILL WANT TO READ THE BOOK, KEEP ON SCROLLING)

         

          Okay.

          Let’s begin at where things really took a tumble: the main magical element of the book. The writers (I refuse to believe Rowling had much of an influence on this sham) have decided to bring back the Time Turner. This was their first of many mistakes.

          See, when it comes to storytelling, time travel is an especially dangerous element to play around with. You really need to think it through, all the implications, and exactly how it works. Otherwise, you’re left with a broken mess of a plot device. One of the main reasons the Time Turner worked in Prisoner of Azkaban was that Rowling had thought it out so well, and when it proved to be too dangerous of an element to keep around, she had them all destroyed in Order of the Phoenix.

          In bringing one back into play, the writers decide to break all the rules and go nuts. In Prisoner of Azkaban, it’s made very clear that you cannot change the future or past. When the past/future you visit happens, the version of you that used the Time Turner will be there regardless. We see this when Harry uses his Patronus to save Sirius. He sees himself do it in the past, then he goes back in time to cast it. There was no timeline where Sirius and Buckbeak died, because Harry was always there to cast the Patronus.

          In Cursed Child, no such rule exists. New timelines are created left and right, as Albus and Scorpius go on their Back to the Future adventure to stop Cedric Diggory from participating in the Triwizard Tournament in order to save him from dying because…that’ll make Amos Diggory happy? I guess?

          What results is a visit to a “darkest timeline” where Voldemort won, Umbridge rules Hogwarts, Snape is still alive (and is written horribly out of character), and Ron and Hermione lead a resistance, complete with Mad Max style outfits.

          I wish I was joking.

          Thankfully, this timeline straight out of a seventh-grader’s emo fanfiction is left rather quickly, which leads us on a one way street to the disaster that is the grand finale.

          A character by the name of Delphi exists in this book, and at first glance, she’s about on the same level of Scorpius in terms of how good her character is. Parts of her seem spliced from Tonks from the original books, and her only character trait is “I’m quirky!”, but when compared to the rest of the book, she has a term that I’m now coining “The Plastic Effect” (named for the character Plastic from Mirror’s Edge Catalyst). “The Plastic Effect” dictates that, when there’s a character who injects some levity and life into a sterile story just by being quirky, goofy, or a big personality just in general, you will quickly find yourself enjoying them more than the others.

          But then the reveal happens, and Delphi shows her true colours. She’s the villain, by the way, and a pretty lackluster one at that. As it turns out, she’s the daughter of Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange, born just after the Battle at Malfoy Manor!

          It was at this point I had to stop myself from throwing the book across the room.

          This is so wrong on so many levels. After doing some research, I learned that it’s considered a Class A sin in writing Harry Potter fanfiction to give Voldemort a child, let alone make him have one with Bellatrix. There’s no way Rowling gave this her blessing.

The fact that Voldemort, someone so evil that people are still scared to speak his name after baby Harry defeated him, someone who is stated repeatedly in the books to be incapable of feeling love, someone who split his soul into seven pieces just to escape death, could conceive a child is completely asinine. As someone who wasn’t a fan of the Voldemort/Draco hug in the Deathly Hallows Part 2 movie, this feels like a slap in the face to such a fantastic villain.

          We then jump back to the night Harry’s parents were killed for a complete failure of an ending. Between Harry being transfigured into Voldemort to trick Delphi (ugh), Harry’s fourth-year son Albus figuring out how to open a cursed door whereas Hermione Granger, the brightest witch of her age, could not (ugh!), and Harry and the gang staying to watch his parents die (UGH!), we come to an ending where the reader is left with a bad feeling in their stomach and two and a half hours they’ll never get back.

          This is to say nothing of the plot holes (Everyone says Voldemort’s name in the darkest timeline, the Fidelius Charm on Lily and James’s house seems to have vanished inexplicably, Harry can use Parseltongue again, and Cedric Diggory, the perfect representation of Hufflepuff house’s ideals, turns into a Death Eater in the darkest timeline because he lost the Triwizard Tournament). And don’t even get me started on the pointless fanservice! (Hermione is Minister for Magic! Harry has a chat with Dumbledore again! Harry and Draco are friends now!) It also comes to a conclusion thanks to a complete deus ex machina, and that’s just painful to see in a series that prides itself in planning ahead and leaving nothing up to luck.

          There’s also a scene where the Hogwarts Express Trolley Lady attempts to stop Albus and Scorpius from leaving the train by throwing exploding candy at them and turning her hands into drills. That’s stupid. Moving on.

(SPOILERS END HERE)

          I wanted to love this book. I really did. Harry Potter is a huge part of my childhood and my life in general. But what I got was nothing more than fanfiction, and not even good fanfiction at that. It’s just sad. I refuse to accept this as canon. Maybe it’s better as a play, but as I have no way of flying across the Atlantic to see it, I couldn’t tell you.

          Hopefully Fantastic Beasts will be better, but given the choice of director and how the Comic Con trailer looked…less than ideal, I don’t have high hopes.

          To paraphrase someone on Reddit: “Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and pity everyone who paid money for this book.”

          So, it is with a heavy heart and a plea for my money back, I rate Harry Potter and the Cursed Child…

FINAL SCORE

2/10

Awful

Amaama to Inazuma Episode 4 Review

Apparently Tsumugi’s dad still uses a flip phone

(This review contains spoilers!)

          Last week, we were treated to Amaama to Inazuma at its full potential. At this point, I’m feeling like that was a bit of a double-edged sword, because this episode pales in comparison. It’s not nearly as interesting, some of the writing is clunky, and gets really boring really fast.

          The main crux of the plot was that Tsumugi is upset because she doesn’t like green peppers. Why? Because they apparently seem dangerous to her. A part of me thinks that the writers decided that “she just doesn’t like the taste” wasn’t good enough, and they needlessly complicated things as a result.

          This leads Tsumugi’s father and Iida to go on a quest to find vegetables kids like, which is about as compelling as watching a pill bug cross the sidewalk. We also get the introduction of a new character, through some extremely clumsy exposition. Right off the bat, she seems like the perky girl stereotype, but hopefully there’s more to her than that.

          All the content before we arrived at the always delightful cooking segment was extremely boring, and I’m sure that if I didn’t need the subtitles to understand what was going on, I would’ve tabbed out and had it play in the background, which is never a good sign. A slight increase in the pace would’ve saved this episode a lot of trouble. Mercifully, the cooking arrived earlier than usual this week, so that’s a plus.

          The good news is that whoever was in charge of the animation for this episode did an excellent job. Lots of really funny over exaggerated expressions were used, and they consistently brought a smile to my face. I especially liked Tsumugi’s smug face after she helped flatten the vegetables. Plus, just like last week, the animation was a lot smoother, which is fantastic to see. The cooking as well is just as enjoyable as ever, full of small, interesting facts about what they’re making.

          The absolute best part of the episode is a small surprise that I dare not spoil towards the end. All I’ll say is that it’ll make you like Tsumugi even more than you already did before, and that it’s the first really funny moment this show’s had so far.

          Although the plot isn’t the best, a lot of the writing isn’t fantastic, and the first third of the episode move at a snail’s pace, Amaama to Inazuma can always rely on it’s seemingly endless amount of charm to save an episode. As always, I look forward to see what they’re cooking up for next week.

FINAL SCORE

6/10

Okay

Steven Universe: Summer Adventures July 25-29 Reviews

Week 2

(These reviews contain spoilers!)

          Same as last week, keep an eye on this space throughout the week as I update it on my thoughts for each episode! If you missed last week’s reviews and are still interested, you can find them here: http://hyenareviews.blogspot.ca/2016/07/steven-universe-summer-adventures-july.html

Restaurant Wars

          Every once in a while, a show makes an episode that’s so zany and ridiculous that I can’t help but love every minute of it. This was one of those episodes.

          The basic plot was that Mr. Fryman and Kofi Pizza reignite an age old war of theirs, because of some confusion over Steven buying mozzarella sticks. From there, things spiral completely out of control, as the restaurants go completely at each other’s throats. To stop all this craziness, Steven enlists the help of Peedee, Ronaldo, Jenny, Kiki, and even the Gems to restore order to Beach City.

          The results are, to put it simply, hilarious. While some might call this episode a waste of time and completely ridiculous, that’s exactly why I love it. It doesn’t take itself seriously at all, and just exists for laughs, and that’s great. Even Ronaldo, a character I normally can’t stand, is really funny in this episode.

          The other great thing this episode does is that it brings back a lot of Beach City characters that almost never get the spotlight, like Peedee Fryman and Kofi Pizza. If memory serves me right, Kofi’s only had one speaking role prior to this, so it’s great to see him again.

          The only problem with this episode is that sometimes it can go a little too off the deep end. How the story is resolved in the end is very convenient, and doesn’t quite explain why the hatchet is buried once again.

          Still, if Steven Universe has taught me anything, it’s the journey, not the destination that matters, and I found Restaurant Wars to be a lot of fun. If you like the Beach City episodes and don’t mind a little bit of craziness, you’ll love this one.

FINAL SCORE

7/10

Good

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

          It feels so weird having two episodes focusing on the Pizza family in a row. We almost never see them, aside from background appearances. I don’t think Kiki’s actually got any real character development before now, actually.

          Anyways, this is an episode where Steven invades Kiki’s dreams and helps her fight off pizza related inner demons. Honestly, this isn’t the craziest thing I’ve seen from this show, considering it’s the same one that gave us Garnet’s Universe.

          This was a really cute episode, and one I don’t regret spending the time to watch, although I doubt I’ll ever want to see it again. The design of the pizza nightmare and the creatures in it was creative, and the overall message was another good one for kids. But the thing is, this is one of those episodes that can be skipped and nothing would be lost as a result. It’s just filler, and that’s a little frustrating.

          As happy as I am that Kiki, a character who I’d basically declared a background character and nothing more, is getting her moment in the spotlight, I really wish we’d gotten something more substantial. I guess they were trying to build her relationship with Jenny, but we barely got any screen time of them together, if you don’t count Pizza-Jenny in the dream. They supposedly had a conversation, but it was off-camera. I would’ve really liked to see that, instead of seeing it play out with a figment of Kiki’s imagination!

          But I digress. The main thing Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service is going for here is a fun, filler episode a little like yesterday’s, but not nearly as funny. Lots of groan worthy pizza puns, but even they can’t keep it from being an overall cheesy episode.

          Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

FINAL SCORE

5/10

Average

Monster Reunion

          I’ve been waiting for the return of Centipeedle since the last time they had her on the show. It’s kind of weird that the corrupted gems have kinda been phased out by the show in favour of Homeworld and the fusion mutants. When was the last time we saw a new one?

          Anyways, Monster Reunion was, if anything, fuel for even more fan theories about the Gem War and the resulting fallout. I’ve got my own, but we’ll get to that in a bit.

          Beneath the showrunners pulling back the curtain a bit more on the lore, we had a really good episode to go alongside. Steven’s healing powers are another thing that kind of fell by the wayside recently, and it was great to have them come back. I’d assumed that he could only heal organic materials (Greg’s broken foot, Connie’s eyes, Lapis’s gem), but as we saw in this episode, he was able to fix a rip on MC Bear Bear using his healing spit. This adds layers both to Steven’s powers, and also, perhaps, to MC Bear Bear. Could this teddy bear be more than he seems!?

          Eh, probably not.

          This prompted the return of Centipeedle, as Steven was able to restore her to a sort of half normal, half corrupted form. Through her squawks and crayon drawings, we were able to learn that she was some sort of Homeworld soldier that came to Earth for the Gem War, but fell victim to the Diamonds.

          And this is where my theory comes in. Centipeedle described the Diamonds as using a giant flash of light, the same one as seen in Lapis’s flashback in Same Old World. I believe that this is the result of the corrupted gems. Any gem caught in the blast was corrupted. We know from The Return that Rose, Garnet, Pearl, and potentially some other Crystal Gems were protected under Rose’s shield, Amethyst was in the Kindergarten, and Lapis was in the mirror, so that’s why they were exempted. That would explain the large quantity of corrupted gems on the Earth, and why Centipeedle feels so much contempt towards the Diamonds.

          We also got a reveal as to where the crashed gem ship from Friend Ship came from, and we had a nice little ending with a reveal as to where the rest of Centipeedle’s crew is. I’m certain we haven’t seen the last of her, and hopefully by the time we see her again Steven will be able to purify her completely.

          The animation in this episode was top tier as usual too, between the expressions the animators conveyed through Centipeedle’s beak and the crayon drawings the backstory was conveyed through. Steven Universe never fails to amaze me in the different ways they can convey story through animation.

          Monster Reunion was everything I could’ve hoped for, and really makes me miss the clever designs on the corrupted gems. I sincerely hope we get the return of more sometime in the future.

FINAL SCORE

8/10

Great

Alone at Sea

          Is it just me, or was it really unusual to see Lapis interacting normally with Beach City and Greg and regular stuff? I never had that feeling with Peridot, because there was at least some disconnect between Homeworld Peridot and Beach City Peridot in the form of her limb enhancers. Lapis, who’s normally a beacon of huge episodes and dire things coming to attack our heroes, felt a little out of place here, and that’s a good thing. She still hasn’t accepted her place right now, so it’s only natural that we, the audience, haven’t accepted it either.

          Aside from that, this was a very interesting episode, to say the least. It definitely played in to a lot of the excellent underlying themes brought by Malachite, and had an excellent lesson not only for kids, but for anyone going through an abusive relationship. Although, in my opinion, it might’ve been a bit too heavy handed with them. More on that in a bit.

          The plot of the episode is that Greg’s rented a boat, and is taking Steven and Lapis on a ride. Steven wants Lapis to have fun, but Lapis is having trouble overcoming her memories of Jasper and being fused at the bottom of the ocean.

          This all culminates with Lapis revealing that she misses being fused, and Jasper showing up out of nowhere to admit she has the same feelings. It plays out how you’d think, and there’s a happy ending for everyone (except for Jasper and poor Greg. I think that rental’s going to become a purchase, pal).

          Now this was a good episode overall, but I have two major problems with it. First is Jasper’s sudden reappearance. Last we saw her, she’d fallen through a crack into the Earth, and now she’s suddenly climbing onto the boat just a few miles away from Beach City? I know that this is a cartoon for kids and I should just let it go, but it really bothered me that we didn’t get an answer as to where she’s been. Maybe in the future we will. What I did like was that, even in the little time she had, she’s still a very intimidating force to be reckoned with. There’s really no one else on the show right now willing to throw Steven around like that, and with the Diamonds being sort of an end-game at the moment, she’s the closest thing to a villain character we have.

          Secondly, the symbolism of Malachite being an abusive relationship couldn’t have been more obvious if it was written in red marker on a giant tuna and they slapped me across the face with it. Weird metaphors aside, I’m not saying that this is a thing that shouldn’t be in the show, far from it. I love that we have subtle hidden details and metaphors like that in the characters. It’s the fact that the episode felt the need to spell it out for us that bothers me. From the first mention of Lapis saying she missed Jasper, to Jasper coming back and begging Lapis to fuse with her again, to the ultimate rejection, it all felt like “This is symbolic of ending an unhealthy relationship! Make sure you notice that!” If the struggle had been a bit more internal with Lapis, and maybe coming to a more subtle conclusion instead of having Jasper storming in out of nowhere would’ve worked better for me.

        Something I really liked about the way they did it, though, was that there was no real bad guy here. Both Lapis and Jasper admitted they were at fault, and Jasper even attempted to sway Steven to her side. It’s really refreshing to see this, on a kid’s show of all things, because the moral grey area is always intriguing to explore. I really hope that they expand on Lapis and Jasper’s relationship in the future, because while this wasn’t the best start for me, there’s absolutely something brilliant in here waiting to come out.

          My opinions aside, this was still a good episode, and I felt that it has a really good lesson in there about abusive relationships. If you’re unhappy, get out of there. You deserve better. Steven Universe has really been on a roll with great messages lately, between this, Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service, and even my much-disliked Beach City Drift. If you’re a fan of the Homeworld Gems, I feel you’ll really like this one.

FINAL SCORE

7/10

Good

Greg the Babysitter

          Before I start this review, I’d like to talk about Greg Universe.

          No matter what he does, he seems to improve every single episode he’s in just by being there. He provided nearly all the humour in yesterday’s Alone at Sea and last week’s Beach City Drift. Aside from that, he’s often the focal point of one of many fantastic episodes, including Mr. Greg, House Guest, and the previous two flashback episodes. What I like most of all about Greg, however, is how he breaks expectations. When I first saw him in Laser Light Cannon, my first thought was “Oh no, here comes the Homer Simpson type character, the lazy, deadbeat father who comes off as a jerk but is a nice guy deep down.” Imagine my surprise when I found a kind, funny, and smart father figure, who perfectly complements Steven Universe’s optimistic atmosphere. He’s my favourite non-gem character easily, and I’m glad he’s finally getting some more appearances.

          But anyways, onto this episode. Since I’ve been going into every single episode of Steven’s Summer Adventures as blind as possible, I had no idea what I was getting with this one. To my absolute delight, it turned out to be a Greg and Rose Quartz flashback episode! These have always been favourites of mine. The two of them have such chemistry together, and I love the way they subtly teach each other the wisdom that being a gem or a human brings.

          This time, we learned how Greg came to work at the car wash, and how it revolved around him spending a day at the beach with Rose while babysitting a baby Sour Cream (which strangely had his adult voice. That took some getting used to). This led to a madcap chase through Funland, after Rose got a little confused with exactly how to handle a newborn.

          Rose Quartz is always a welcome presence on the show for me, especially in flashbacks like this. I love the way that this apparently legendary and celebrated leader of the Crystal Gems learns from Greg the simpler things about human life, such as how to differentiate an adult from a child. At the same time, Rose helped teach Greg how he needed to decide to get a job after his music career wasn’t going anywhere at the moment.

          Rose also detailed something we learned in the Classroom Gems short about Kindergartens, about how gems emerge from the ground fully formed and knowing their purpose. She gave such an excellent short description of how it’s really a miracle that humans are allowed to grow and change and be their own person. Every time Rose gets an episode, she’s dropping little nuggets of wisdom like that, and this one might be my favourite so far.

          One has to wonder, however: is this episode part of the reason why Rose decided to have Steven? She was so fascinated by baby Sour Cream, and if I remember correctly, she had Steven because she wanted to experience either childbirth or seeing the world through a human’s eyes. I wouldn’t be surprised if some elements of this episode make a return appearance.

          Also, that Lil’ Butler reference. I swear, this show never leaves anything behind.

FINAL SCORE

9/10

Amazing

          I must say, I was a lot more impressed with this week of Summer of Steven than with last week! We got the return of Centipeedle, Jasper, and Rose in 3 concurrent days, as well as two fun episodes to start us off. With things apparently going off the rails starting Monday, I can’t wait to see what’s up next!

Editorial: The Social Game

The Social Game

          We’ve all seen the comics, memes, and jokes about what it’s like to interact with gamers during online play. There’s the obnoxious frat boys hitting on a girl during a round of Halo, the guy who gets way too into a match of League of Legends, and the ever-popular little kid screeching and swearing his way through a Call of Duty game. It can get pretty ugly out there.

          Imagine the world’s surprise when a little game called Pokémon Go launches seemingly out of nowhere, and all of a sudden it seems everyone’s playing it. Not only that, but they’re having a good time.

          Now the naysayers, grumps, and jerks who’d dare try to stomp on the game and everyone’s fun are the outliers in the community. Wherever I go, I see people enjoying themselves while walking around catching Pokémon, and there’s an endless amount of online stories of strangers connecting because of the game.

          It goes even further than the realm of video games, too. This week I’ve had the pleasure of watching the Cipher Hunt, a worldwide scavenger hunt organized by Gravity Falls creator Alex Hirsch, sending fans on a quest to find a hidden statue of series villain Bill Cipher. The community has come together as one as we trek across continents in search of the next clue.

          Even more so, I’ve seen an influx of people encouraging positive behaviour in the gaming scene, aside from Pokémon Go. People post on Overwatch message boards of how they encourage young kids they met on voice chat to keep practicing at the game to get better. Lighthearted, uplifting games like Undertale and Stardew Valley are all the rage right now, a shocking difference from about a decade ago, when the latest Gears of War was all anyone could talk about.

          I’m sure there’s still lots of lousy people in the gaming scene that’ll muddy our name again before too long. My brother, an avid League of Legends player, often has a new story of someone who just couldn’t handle a loss, blaming it all on his teammates. Part of me wondered why people even put up with this. Then, it dawned on me. As games, we love competition, and that can bring out the more aggressive side in us, whether we know it or not.

          Think about it. Pokémon Go features slight friendly competition at best, in the form of taking over a gym belonging to another team. Other than that, you can show off what Pokémon you caught nearby to other players, talk about where the best spots are to catch and use PokéStops, and just generally have a good time. Same thing goes for the Cipher Hunt. We’re not competing to be the first one there. We’re working together to find a treasure for the whole fanbase. This results in a positive experience with no one getting upset.

          Now compare that to a first-person shooter or a top-down MOBA, where it’s all competition. People yell at each other, blame others when they lose, and things can get more than a little out of hand. Overwatch seems to be an exception to the rule, and while I theorize that the game’s colourful art style may have something to do with it, I’m not quite sure yet.

          Basically what I’m trying to get across here is that as gamers, we’re kind of stuck with this notion that we’re all whiny babies who can’t stand to lose and blame others for our faults. Competition isn’t a bad thing, don’t get me wrong. But we could stand to cool down a bit and remember that it’s just a game we’re playing. Like Pokémon Go, we’re all just here for the same reason: to have fun, and maybe win a few games while doing it.

Song of the Week

          In keeping with the Pokémon theme of this week’s editorial, I’ve chosen the Zinnia Encounter theme from Pokémon Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire. It’s one of the most underrated pieces in the series, and if you haven’t heard it before, I hope you enjoy it. 

Star Trek Beyond Review

The Best of Both Worlds

(This review contains minor spoilers!)

          Star Trek Beyond is, to put it simply, a blast. This is one of those movies that, from minute 1, grabs your hand and takes you on a whirlwind adventure with loads of action, comedy, character, and heart. If you liked the other two movies from the rebooted Trekverse, you’ll love Beyond.

          Star Trek Beyond feels like the best episode of any of the Trek TV shows ever made into a feature film, and that’s a good thing. It’s self-contained, exciting, each and every crew member gets their moment in the spotlight, and never outstays its welcome. It’s also lacking the more gritty elements and plot holes that caused some trouble for Into Darkness, which is a welcome change.

          Speaking of the crew, we get a lot more of several of them. The movie thankfully sets the Kirk/Spock dynamic in the backseat for the majority of the film, having focused on it plenty in the previous entries. Now, we get to see characters like Bones and Chekov take the spotlight, when they really haven’t before in the reboot movies.

          In terms of the new characters, I loved the new alien warrior Jaylah. She fits right into the chemistry of the crew, but she’s different enough that she stands out. I just wished we could’ve seen more of her.

          As for Idris Elba’s Krall, he’s a good villain, but doesn’t even come close to the bar set by Benedict Cumberbatch’s Khan. His master plan and reason for it is fine, but nothing memorable. Still, he’s very threatening and the makeup on him is excellent.

          Strangely, for a movie called Star Trek, very little time is spent trekking through stars. At least half the film is on a planet, but Beyond makes it work. By splitting the crew into different, unusual pairings for some time, we’re able to get lots of development between characters. The relationship between Spock and Bones is one I really hope to see more of in the forthcoming movies.

          All in all, Star Trek Beyond is a complete blast for fans of the series, and I feel that those who wouldn’t know Sulu from Scotty will find a lot to love here too. It’s easily the most fun I’ve had watching a movie this year, and I’d recommend it to anyone looking for a good time.

FINAL SCORE

9/10

Amazing

Amaama to Inazuma Episode 3 Review

Changing things up

(This review contains spoilers!)

          After last week’s good but repetitive episode, Amaama to Inazuma came roaring back this week with an episode at the exact same quality of the pilot, if not better.

          We got the return of some of the more realistic elements from episode 1, and I couldn’t be happier for it. One of my biggest gripes with this show so far is that while it’s clearly going for more of a realistic slice-of-life angle rather than a comedic one, the show can often seem a little too “perfect world”. Last week was a clear example of this. Aside from the looming shadow of the mother’s death, nothing is really going wrong for these characters. They’re just kind of smiling their way through. And while this is heartwarming and sweet to watch, it doesn’t exactly make for interesting story.

          Instead, this week we saw Tsumugi throwing a tantrum at school, and her father needing to come and get her, shaking up the norm a little bit. I’m so glad they did this, because I was worried that we were going to see the same cycle as the last two weeks. Now, we got to see a different side of Tsumugi while breaking the mold at the same time. The overarching plot of an upset Tsumugi also stretched and continued into the cooking segment that took up the latter half of the episode, tying everything together in a lovely little package.

          But the best part of all was a perfectly done scene where Tsumugi and her father had a quiet talk about what happened shortly after her tantrum at school. Their relationship is quickly becoming one of my favourite parent/child pairings I’ve ever seen. It’s not over-the-top, but it’s not understated either. You can easily figure out just how much the two of them care for each other, and it’s just fantastic. The entire presentation of this scene, from start to finish, is excellent.

          Speaking of excellent, the normally choppy and slow animation’s been fixed this week! Everything moves at a regular pace, and it no longer feels awkward or jumpy. I can only hope this continues in the future.

          This is exactly what I hoped Amaama to Inazuma was going to be like when I first heard about it: an excellent relationship, with the father and the daughter both dealing with hard times, and some fun cooking segments along for the ride. I sure hope that this quality continues, because if it does, we might have a real winner on our hands.

FINAL SCORE

9/10

Amazing

Steven Universe: Summer Adventures July 18-22 Reviews

Week 1

(These reviews contain spoilers!)

          The Summer of Steven is finally upon us, as Cartoon Network has decided to give us the entirety of Season 3 over the next couple of weeks! Since that’s a lot of episodes to go through, I decided to have one post for each week, so I don’t flood my blog with Steven Universe stuff. I’ll try and update every weeknight sometime after the episode airs with my review, so if you want you can keep up with that!

Steven Floats

          The first episode of the Summer of Steven was Steven Floats, which, for all intents and purposes, felt like a Season 1 episode. Now, this isn’t a bad thing by any means, but it did feel a bit repetitive, like we’ve seen this story before, to the point when the Gems even make jokes about it.

          The basic premise is that Steven wants to get to the Big Donut right when it opens to get fresh donuts. Simple, right? Well, as it turns out, he discovers a new gem power on the same night. As it turns out, he can control how high he ascends when he jumps and how slowly he descends. This leads him to get stuck in midair, as he can’t lower himself very fast.

          What follows is a cute episode, and all the Gems get a few funny lines in, between Pearl’s over-the-top neuroticism, Amethyst initially ignoring Steven’s floating by saying “eh, he’s probably done this once before”, and Garnet going off-screen to steal someone’s phone, they were at the peak of their humour.

          However, this episode also broke a few rules in terms of the storytelling. Steven seemed to teleport in midair depending on where the pacing needed him to be, and the supposedly “fresh” donut Steven wanted being sitting out on a plate when no one was supposed to be in the shop. I’m also not huge on another gem power being controlled by Steven’s emotions, but I’m guessing that that won’t last long before he’s able to control it like he does his shield.

          Overall, a decent episode that wouldn’t feel out of place in Season 1, but it’s ultimately a bit too slow and forgettable for my tastes. Still, when I inevitably rewatch the show at some point, I’m sure I’ll enjoy seeing Steven Floats again.

FINAL SCORE

6/10

Okay

Drop Beat Dad

          I’d like to make one thing clear: I enjoy the Beach City episodes and characters, for the most part. There are some of them I like, and some I don’t. Sometimes, these episodes can do something unique with a concept that’s been done a million times before, or perhaps it will give Steven or someone else some good character development.

          Drop Beat Dad wasn’t one of those episodes.

          If you ever want to show someone the absolute worst example of a Steven Universe episode, by all means, go with this one. It was full of tropes, annoying and uninteresting character interactions, jokes that didn’t land, and it just overall felt like a slog. Each of those 11 minutes felt like an hour on their own.

          The story isn’t much more than a bunch of cartoon tropes mixed in together, like the liar revealed story, the bad role model story, the dad bonding with his son story, the list goes on. What annoys me here is that I know Steven Universe has taken these tropes and created something excellent with them before, in episodes like Cry for Help and House Guest.

          Here, from minute one you can tell exactly what’s going to happen. Marty, Greg’s former manager who we’ve seen in flashback, returns, and it’s revealed that he’s Sour Cream’s biological father. He decides to help Sour Cream with a DJ show, but surprise! He’s only doing it for his own gain. Also, now Greg has 10 million dollars or something. That part wasn’t exactly clear.

          The problem here is that that’s all the story is. There’s nothing special or different about this story. Neither Sour Cream nor Marty get much character development. It’s just a bland, cookie cutter plot, from a show that I know can do much better.

FINAL SCORE

3/10

Bad

Mr. Greg

          This episode felt like someone came up to me, asked me what my favourite things about Steven Universe were, and then made an episode around it.

          I’ve always felt Steven Universe uses musical numbers better than any cartoon I’ve seen before. They feel like a treat, instead of a requirement for each episode or a painful slog. I feel that, in combination with the exceptional songwriting, the fact that we don’t get one that often adds to their appeal.

          When it was announced Steven Universe would get a musical episode with multiple songs, I’ll admit I was a bit skeptical at first. I now realize that this was pretty dumb of me. Of course they could pull it off. I just didn’t know they could do it this well.

          This episode follows up directly after Drop Beat Dad, following Steven, Greg, and Pearl, as they take a vacation to Empire City in full Broadway style, flaunting Greg’s newly-acquired fortune. There are about 4 or 5 different songs in total, and they’re all fantastic. The best of them is easily Pearl’s new song about her relationship with Rose.

          Pearl is easily the most complex Gem in my opinion, even more than Lapis or Amethyst. Her still burning love for Rose Quartz and resulting feelings towards Steven and Greg have made for some exceptional episodes in the past, like the phenomenal Rose’s Scabbard. While Mr. Greg doesn’t quite scale the heights of that episode, it adds yet another dimension to the relationship between Pearl and Greg, and why Steven brought her on the vacation in the first place.

          And let’s not forget the animation, which was at its absolute best this episode. The Empire City backgrounds were rendered amazingly, and the artists had a lot of fun with using different colours in rendering it. However, I can’t be the only one wondering if Greg and Pearl being rendered in yellow and blue during the final song is a coincidence, right?

          All in all, this was a near-perfect episode of Steven Universe for me. This is why I watch the show, along with the fantastic overarching plot. The small character interactions are just exceptional, and the songs are fantastic. This was the first time I immediately wanted to watch an episode again after finishing it since the finale of Gravity Falls. Hang on, I’m gonna go watch it again.

FINAL SCORE

10/10

Legendary

Too Short to Ride

          This episode reminded me a lot of Log Date 7 15 2, one of my personal favourite slower Steven Universe episodes. Both of them involved Peridot’s daily life interacting with Steven, the Gems, and now we got to see her interact with the denizens of Beach City for the first time.

          People are often quick to call Steven Universe “the cartoon about people crying”, and while this can be attributed to several episodes (primarily Pearl-focused ones), I really feel that Steven celebrates happiness and good times over tears and sadness. Too Short to Ride was the perfect example of this, as Steven and Amethyst were more than happy to take Peridot out with them on a day out at Funland.

          The jokes were out in full force tonight, and if I were to list all my favourites, I’d just give a recap of the entire episode. It’s best to just watch it for yourself. We also got lots more development on Peridot’s end, and even a little more about Homeworld. We learned that she’s a Class 2 Peridot, stripped of most of the classic gem powers such as shapeshifting. Instead, she can levitate metal! I suppose this is her gem weapon, similar to Lapis’s hydrokinesis, and I’m looking forward to seeing more of it.

          One other thing I really enjoy about this show just in general is that the Gems don’t feel the need to hide from the humans of Beach City. The residents of the City just accept that there are superpowered aliens walking among them, and I think that’s great. Not only does it rid us of any potential “secret aliens revealed” storyline or a similarly tired equivalent, but it allows the world to be established as different from our own. The gems walk among the humans, and that’s just something they live with, and that’s just great to me.

          All and all, this was a delightfully hilarious episode. I’m so glad Peridot is really getting the attention she deserves, but they aren’t overusing her either. I can’t wait to see where her metal manipulating powers take us.

FINAL SCORE

9/10

Amazing

The New Lars

          I don’t like Lars. I’ve always felt that this grumpy, pessimistic, and flat-out mean character really feels out of place in Steven Universe’s colourful, love-filled universe. I can’t relate to him, and I can’t remember a single one of his episodes I’ve really liked.

          With that in mind, I was ready to hate The New Lars. I’ve been going into these episodes as blind as possible, so all I knew about this episode was it was going to revolve around one of my least favourite characters.

          After seeing the episode, while it was a tad cliché and brought to light a lot of the reasons why I dislike Lars, it was a fine episode, and not one I regret spending the time to watch.

          The basic plot is that (as usual) Lars is being awful to Steven and Sadie, and Steven wishes he’d change. Then, overnight, Steven takes control of Lars’s body (yet another new gem power, I assume?), and gets to experience a day in the life of Lars.

          At this point, I’m a little sick of the whole “body-switching” episode in these cartoon shows. While it can be fun if handled differently, like Gravity Falls’s Carpet Diem episode, usually it’s just “oh hey how would these characters react if they were in this character’s body”, and here was no different. Steven went around as Lars, trying to make people smile like always, but people react with confusion because, well, he’s Lars.

          And that’s my biggest problem with Lars’s character. Aside from Steven, who sees the good in basically everybody, and occasionally Sadie, even the show’s own characters don’t like Lars! He hasn’t changed all that much since his first appearance back in Episode 1 of Season 1, even after episodes like Lars and the Cool Kids and Joking Victim. He’s still a whiny jerk that no one likes, so how am I, the viewer, supposed to like him?

          Fortunately, this episode is played mostly for laughs, as we get a little bit of development on the relationship between Lars and Sadie, but not much else. It’s just the characters reacting to the new, kinder Lars, and for what it is, it’s fine. Onion’s expression upon seeing him is especially hilarious. Lars’s voice actor also does a great job as Steven pretending to be Lars. At times, it’s hard to tell that there’s supposed to be a difference, it sounds so natural.

          I also really liked that, after 2 seasons and then some, we’re finally seeing what Lars’s home life is like. If you remember what Robbie’s family was like in Gravity Falls, it’s basically the same old story here. The parents had a few good one-liners, especially towards the end, but nothing about them really stood out in my mind.

          Overall, while not a fantastic episode, it could’ve been a lot worse. It had good aspects and bad aspects, but if you’re a fan of Lars and Sadie, I can see it being a lot of fun. Give it a watch and see for yourself.

FINAL SCORE

5/10

Average

Beach City Drift

          Well…I hope you guys liked Alone Together, because this episode was just Alone Together again with a new coat of paint. It wasn’t very nice paint, either.

          What a disappointing way to end our first week of Steven’s Summer Adventures. Pretty much anything that could go wrong with this episode did go wrong. I’m sure Stevonnie fans liked it, but as someone who isn’t such a huge fan of Alone Together (it’s a good episode, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t really like it as much as everyone else), this episode did nothing for me.

          The plot is that Kevin is back in town, and Steven is dead set on getting revenge on him…for some reason. As I said in my review of The New Lars, Steven has always been a character who sees the good in everyone, even people like Lars or Ronaldo. Here, from minute one, he’s fully convinced that Kevin is a completely bad person, despite having only one negative experience with him in the past. It would’ve made more sense to have Connie be the one who wanted revenge, and Steven was trying to justify him, only for it to be revealed that Kevin is really an overall bad guy at the end.

          So Steven and Connie fuse into Stevonnie to challenge him to a race in Greg’s new car, down what must be the longest mountain trail in the world. It doesn’t look that big in the art, and they’re able to get out and talk for a few minutes while Kevin speeds ahead, and yet they’re still able to catch up to him. Doesn’t make much sense, but it’s a cartoon, so I can forgive it.

          So they race Kevin, and they lose, but Steven learns that jerks like Kevin aren’t worth his time. It’s definitely a good lesson to teach kids, especially those dealing with bullies or mean teachers. It’s really something I wish I could’ve heard when I was the target demographic for this show.

          This episode had some other good aspects as well. Greg got a few funny lines, and the backgrounds and car animation, while not exactly the show’s best, looked really nice. Overall, though, I felt that this episode was little more than an excuse to give Stevonnie a second speaking role. Perhaps next time we’ll get a new story instead of the same thing again.

FINAL SCORE

3/10

Bad

          So that’s all for this week! It really was a mixed bag. We got two excellent episodes, two decent episodes, and two bad episodes. I hope next week will be a little better in terms of quality. See you Monday!