Tekken 7 Review

Perfectly bearable

(This review contains minor spoilers!)

          Sometimes fighting games can feel like a dime a dozen. Between the Street Fighters, Mortal Kombats and everything in between, it doesn’t become long before they all start to blend together into basically the exact same game over and over again. You pick your favourite dude or dudette from the character select screen, learn their combos (or the most powerful move that is the easiest to pull off), and then put it away. While I love the genre, it’s hard not to admit it’s fallen into something of a slump outside of the competitive scene in recent years.

          Although it’s not going to break any records or single-handedly bring the genre back to its glory days, Tekken 7 is a honey of a game that left me feeling pawsitively delighted.

          As someone who’s never touched the Tekken franchise outside of last year’s Pokken Tournament, I found the gameplay to be thankfully simplistic compared to other franchises. While each character has a laundry list of insane combos the truly savvy can pull off, the game is simple enough that anyone who’s never played a side-scrolling fighter before will feel right at home with a little practice. Each button corresponds to one of your characters arms or legs, and pressing them individually will throw a punch or kick. Depending on where your character is standing you can throw low, medium or high attacks, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. Low attacks are harder to pull off, but break through shields. High attacks leave you a sitting duck if you are blocked, but they have the potential to deal very heavy damage. Medium attacks are pretty standard, dealing average amounts of damage while still being blocked by shields. The system can get pretty complex once combos and special moves are thrown into the mix, overall the system makes it very easy to get your bearings.

          Tekken 7 boasts a hefty amount of playable characters, each with their own unique and fun abilities. There are a lot of fun and creative characters here, including a dude in a mech, Akuma of Street Fighter fame, and even a panda. Yeah, just a regular ordinary panda. There’s a grizzly bear too. It’s amazing. I’m basically unstoppable as either of them.

          Even better, the characters are almost infinitely customizable. Each one has an enormous list of cool outfits and accessories you can dress them up in, from retro 3D glasses to silly hats. Instead of being limited to what palette swaps the creators make, you can freely create the character you want to play as.

          You have to unlock the majority of the costumes however, in what is easily the best mode of the game: Treasure Mode. This mode is a gauntlet of foes you must get through, and defeating them net you treasure chests with goodies. It’s a lot of fun to climb the ranks and fight tougher and tougher foes and see what more insane gimmicks will be thrown at you, like super speed battles and high damage mode.

          Less entertaining is the story mode, which I’m pretty sure will only appeal to longtime Tekken fans. I don’t know anything about the characters or who they are, and the plot didn’t help me learn much. Equally annoying is the fact that you spend significantly more time watching cutscenes instead of actually playing the game in this mode. At no point did I have any clue what was going on, so I lost interest fairly quickly and played more treasure mode instead.

          Easily the most grizzly part of the game, however, is the Online modes. Getting your confidence destroyed by people online is as fun and soulcrushing as it always is, but actually finding a match is harder than taking on a real bear. More often than not you’ll be alerted that an opponent has been found, and then be promptly disconnected from them and tossed back into matchmaking. Sometimes you’ll actually make it into a battle, get halfway through, and then be booted back to the menu for some unknown reason. When you actually manage to find and stay connected to a match it’s just as fun as playing offline, but the challenge of actually getting to that point makes me feel that I can’t recommend this game if playing online matches is a big selling point for you.

          While Tekken 7 can feel a little “been-there done-that” when it comes to the game mechanics, it’s one of the most fun classic-style fighters I’ve played in a really long time. The variety in the character selection and customization is unmatched in the genre, the fighting is delightfully simple yet still packing a lot of complexity, and Treasure Mode is a blast. I also think that fans of the franchise will enjoy Story Mode, but as I don’t know anything about Tekken lore it just wasn’t for me. If the devs fix the online servers to cause less crashes, I think this has the potential to become one of the fighting game champs.

FINAL SCORE

8/10

Great

Micro Machines World Series Review

Almost as fun as sitting in traffic

(This review is spoiler-free!)

          Sometimes you’ll find a game that boggles the mind in some way or another. Maybe it’s because it has some awesome game mechanics, a spectacular story, or a soundtrack that goes right on your playlist.

          Or sometimes it’s because it’s one of the worst pieces of garbage you can’t believe actually made it to store shelves.

          Welcome to Micro Machines World Series, the latest entry to the Worst Game of 2017 pool. This game is the latest in the Micro Machines series of games based off the famous toy line of the same name. It’s also a complete waste of time, and is not only one of the worst racing games I’ve ever played, but one of the worst games I’ve ever played bar none.

          Let’s start with the facts. This is a top-down racing game inspired by the toys. You can play as many different types of vehicles, including tanks, fire trucks and the like. Doesn’t seem too hard to pull off, right?

          Much to my surprise, just moments into the game it becomes apparent that this one is literally unplayable. Just trying to turn corners is a monumental feat. The car veers out like a lawnmower trying to figure skate with the slightest tap of the Control Stick, and the turning circle makes you feel less like a police car and more like a drunken stunt driver.

          You’re basically doomed for last place when competing against CPU players because I swear they cheat. Their cars don’t have nearly the same turning circle as yours, and they can make the sharp corners quickly and easily. I guess since they’re programmed to play the game it’s kind of unfair, but I stood no chance against these racing champs.

          There’s also a battle mode, but this manages to control even worse than the racing. Your car continues to veer off in whatever direction you’re pointing in while trying to turn, except now you have the awful controls with the added pain of trying to aim at enemy vehicles on top of it. It’s a near impossibility to find your foes, let alone defeat them thanks to the controls you’re given.

          This game costs $32.99, by the way. Just thought I’d clear that up.

          As one final experiment, I decided to try the online mode and see if anyone was playing. After a minute and a half spent waiting for a game, I was finally placed into a match with half human players and half CPUs. And this is where things started to get silly.

          An early part of the course featured a sharp turn followed by a ramp. The ramp requires momentum to clear the gap it’s built over, meaning that you can’t go over it slowly or you’ll fall off the table.

          Because of the awful controls and turning circle, myself and all the other humans I was playing with fell off the ramp in seconds. The kicker? All the CPUs cleared it no problem. After having a good laugh I turned the game off and gave up on the thing.

          Micro Machines World Series is the pits. Never before have I seen a game with such a simple concept fail so spectacularly. Every level feels like the ice level thanks to the awful turning circle on the cars that make crashing into things an inevitability, rendering all modes completely unplayable. If I were you, I’d take this one back to the shop.

FINAL SCORE

1/10

Garbage

Editorial: Assassin’s Creed Origins and strawberry jam

Assassin’s Creed Origins and strawberry jam

          Last week we talked about how Ubisoft once again screwed the pooch when it came to the deluxe editions of Assassin’s Creed Origins. Today I thought it’d be fun to flip the script and look at how this very same game could have the potential to fix not only the exhausted Assassin’s Creed franchise, but also the notorious company it’s being made by.

          Assassin’s Creed is one of the biggest franchises that’s suffered from what I like to call Madden Syndrome. A series afflicted by said illness releases at least one game a year, has minimal to no changes to the formula whatsoever, and bares more than a passing resemblance in gameplay to the most recently released installment. While games by EA Sports (like NBA, FIFA and the previously mentioned Madden) can usually get away with this considering they need to update the real life rosters each year and, let’s be honest, nobody’s going to change the rules of basketball anytime soon, other companies have been cashing in on this annual release nonsense, with Ubisoft giving the same treatment to their golden goose franchise.

          This led to a mass of games featuring everyone’s favourite white-hooded hoodlums arriving in game stores every November. There were some winners in the bunch, such as the unanimously praised Black Flag, but what initially looked to be a promising franchise was quickly turning into a game series with each new installment becoming more and more similar to the last.

          Things reached a tipping point in 2014. Assassin’s Creed: Rogue failed to turn many heads, and people were really starting to grow tired of the now-stale formula the games had repeated. And then it all went horribly wrong. Assassin’s Creed Unity launched clearly unfinished and rushed out the door. Characters not rendering was considered a normality in the game, falling through the world was no real surprise, and many said that they never had a session with the game without encountering a bug or glitch of some kind. This was one of the first games to really drive home the point that pre-ordering games isn’t such a great idea.

          One more forgettable installment later, and in 2016 Ubisoft announced that the mainline Assassin’s Creed games would be taking the year off for the first time since 2008. Instead of being disappointed, most were pleased. Fans were glad that Ubisoft was taking their time with the next game, and others were just happy they didn’t have to deal with another one of these games exactly the same as the last one.

          So now we’ve arrived at present day, and Assassin’s Creed Origins looks like the most promising installment in the franchise since Black Flag took us to the high seas. This new installment seems to be taking inspiration from the franchise’s spiritual predecessor, Prince of Persia, instead of the more recent Creed games. Bosses appear to be a big focus this time around, a first for the franchise, including what look to be giant monsters inspired by Ancient Egyptian mythology. The setting way back at the dawn of Civilization in Egypt is also a much more creative setting than yet another old Renaissance-era city. If Ubisoft pulls this one off, this long-since exhausted franchise could find new life.

          And I think this variety is exactly what the company needs to pull itself out of the garbage hole it’s gotten so comfortable in and become a respectable company again. One of the biggest problems with Assassin’s Creed is that people got tired of the same game over and over and over again every year. Having this unique setting plus some cool tweaks to the gameplay is exactly what they need to get people excited for it again.

          It’s like going to the supermarket to buy jam. If you get tired of strawberry jam, you’ll stop buying strawberry jam. Maybe you’ll try raspberry or blueberry or grape instead. Ubisoft’s problem for years is that all they’ve been offering is strawberry jam to people sick and tired of it. Origins throwing series conventions out the window and trying something new is exactly the blueberry jam people have been wanting for years now.

Song of the Week

          Randy Dandy Oh – Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag

Princess Principal Episode 2 Review

Game of Dresses

(This review contains spoilers!)

          The first episode of Princess Principal was masterful in its use of subtle wordplay to lead the viewer on a surprising and unexpected adventure, complete with beautiful scenery. As good as the first episode was, I was admittedly wondering if it was a fluke and we’d be seeing a severe quality drop starting this week.

          I’m happy to say that I was proven wrong. This flashback episode is just as good as its predecessor, making me feel that this is truly going to become the sleeper hit anime of the season.

          This week flashbacks to when the team first met, and we get a proper introduction to the titular Princess. This episode uses the same sleight-of-hand tricks and wordplay to its advantage as the first episode did, and it’s just as entertaining here.

          Here the spy crew is seen infiltrating a fancy ball, with the intent of discovering what’s going on with the mysterious Princess while at the same time stopping the Duke of Normandy from getting the key to a vault. They use every single classic spy trick in the book to make their way around this case, and the solutions they come up with can be pretty brilliant at times.

          One of the cooler parts is when Ange, our favourite liar, dresses up as Princess to attempt to woo the key out of the current holder’s pocket. At first glance it looks like a fun scene that brilliantly uses both the animation styles used on Ange and Princess at once to create the illusion of her in disguise, but it becomes even more brilliant towards the end of the episode when the big twist comes into play. It turns out Princess and Ange are related in some way, possibly as twins separated at birth. It’s an incredibly smart conclusion to an episode all about how the two contrast, and, once again, makes this a show that just begs for repeat viewings.

          Seriously, why aren’t more people watching this show? It has everything you could possibly want in an anime: entertaining and varied characters, gorgeous animation and background art, brilliant writing, and fun action. If you’re looking for something good to watch this season and you haven’t checked out Princess Principal yet, frankly you’re missing out big time.

FINAL SCORE

9/10

Amazing

Re:Creators Episode 15 Review

The strongest creation of all

(This review contains spoilers!)

          While Re:Creators has been great at covering their bases when it comes to the different types of characters they’ve used thus far, a part of me was always kind of disappointed we didn’t get a comedy/slice-of-life anime character thrown in the mix as well. I just really wanted to see how a character with zero abilities would match with the rest of the cast.

          We’ve sort of gotten that here, but not much development’s been made with her yet. Her name is Hikayu (or something like that), and she’s the main character from a dating sim franchise. I love how she overreacts to everyone and everything going on regardless of what’s happening, which leads to lots of fun over-exaggerated animations. I feel like she’s destined to do something important later on, but only time will tell.

          Meanwhile, the other Creations are gathering up and dividing into factions. Magane returns (finally) to have a conversation with Alice. Magane is such a fantastic character, one who I legitimately find to be a much more entertaining villain than Altair. The fact that she’s reintroduced taking a literal money bath is just plain hilarious. I also like that Alice is asking her to have as much fun as possible. Considering her fun is what led to the climax of the first half of the season, I think this could lead to something great.

          We also saw the introduction of another new character, who seems to be the lead hero from Yuuya’s story. He doesn’t exactly have a character yet, but it’s still cool to have someone new around.

          All in all, while this isn’t a huge episode, it’s still a fun episode. The Creations always steal the show, and having an episode focused on them and their interactions is extremely welcome after the multiple human-based episodes previously. It’s great to have Magane back, the new characters seem like fun, and I’m really interested in seeing where this is all gonna go.

          I’ve heard rumblings that next week is gonna be a “special” instead of an episode, so if there’s nothing to report on I guess I won’t review it. Even if we have to wait an extra week for the return of Re:Creators, this was a good place to end on.

FINAL SCORE

7/10

Good

Salvation Episode 1 Review

You lost me at “screw you”

(This review contains spoilers!)

          Well, that was 45 minutes I’ll never get back.

          I like watching shows that don’t really have a lot of hype behind them. Through that I’ve discovered awesome shows like Timeless. But sadly, more often than not I’m usually met with an awful pilot and a bunch of precious time wasted. This was one of those times.

          Salvation seemed like it had an interesting premise. A meteor heading to Earth and seeing how the inhabitants deal with the idea of the apocalypse on its way can be done well. The thing is that from the first moment onscreen to the end credits, Salvation does absolutely nothing right with the concept.

          The first problem is very quickly apparent: this show is boring. Really, really boring. You’d think that the concept of doomsday would make these people react a little more, but no. They all seem pretty uninterested with what’s going on. Here’s the thing: if the characters aren’t interested, why should I be?

          Speaking of the characters, by the end of the episode you’ll wish that asteroid would hurry up, because none of them are likeable in the slightest. Main guy is a total asshat, the lead scientist is clearly a failed attempt to ape Elon Musk, and the female lead is exactly the same as a million other boring and plain female leads unlucky enough to be stuck with an incompetent writer.

          The villain is only marginally interesting, but in an ironic sort of way. Why exactly does this show need a villain? I’m pretty sure the asteroid does that job. And speaking of that, the fact that there is a villain in a show about an asteroid approaching Earth is confusing. Does this guy want everyone to die? Why? He can’t possibly gain anything from this arrangement ‘cause he’ll be dead too, right?

          Actually I think approaching this episode with logic is the wrong course of action because the writers clearly didn’t.

          The other big problem with the show is the tone. Yes, doomsday is typically not a laughing matter, but this episode was brutally serious to a fault. I don’t remember any of the characters cracking a smile or telling a joke once, and this just added to the overall drab atmosphere. Think about other shows like this that worked: stuff like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, Timeless or Scorpion. While those shows can have darker moments, there’s always a bit of levity and comic relief around. Here everyone spends the entire episode moping, and (surprise!) it’s not fun to watch.

          You’d think that the imminent destruction of the planet I live on would give me a reason to care, but I’d already declared Salvation a wash after the first 15 minutes. I will say that this show isn’t bad heckling material. If you’re like me and like watching bad stuff and shouting jokes at the screen, this episode’s got some material.

          I think it goes without saying but I will not be back for next week. This episode does everything wrong with the concept of approaching destruction. The characters are so unlikeable that you’ll be rooting for the asteroid by the end of the episode. The writing makes high school anime fanfiction look good. I’ve seen better visual effects in SyFy movies. If you’re having terrible insomnia and need something to put you to sleep, I can’t recommend this episode enough. Trust me, it’ll work wonders. As for anyone else, salvage yourselves and stay far, far away from Salvation.

FINAL SCORE

1/10

Garbage

Star Wars Wednesday: The Top 15 Best Star Wars Music Tracks

The Top 15 Best Star Wars Music Tracks

          If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that Star Wars is full of fantastic music courtesy of John Williams’ unparalleled composing talent. But which of these classic tunes are the best? I’ve decided to rank some of my favourites here in this completely subjective and very opinionated list! My one rule here is that I’m only allowed to include songs from the movies, so no “Vode An” or “Thrawn’s Web” (maybe another time). Also, since the Credits Theme is never really counted as it’s own piece, I’ll only be giving it an Honourable Mention. Without further ado…

15. Guardians of the Whills Suite (Rogue One)

          It seems only fitting to start this John Williams tribute article with a piece by Michael Giacchino. Oh well.

          The Guardians of the Whills suite represents the Guardians themselves, Chirrut and Baze, excellently. While the opening is slow and somewhat whimsical, as it builds it isn’t afraid to get a bit more intense. The final half of this piece was used lots in the marketing for Rogue One, and with good reason.

14. March of the Resistance (The Force Awakens)

          Unlike the Empire, the Rebellion never really got its own “main theme” in the Original Trilogy. The Force Awakens fixed that problem by giving us the March of the Resistance, an uplifting and heroic piece that perfectly fits the scene of Poe and Leia arriving on Takodana.

13. Battle of the Heroes (Revenge of the Sith)

          Poor Battle of the Heroes will always be fated to be remembered as the second best fight theme from the Prequel Trilogy. Despite this, it’s a fantastic orchestrated piece that really adds to the weight of what was, at the time, the final battle in the entire saga. Anakin’s pivotal showdown with Obi-Wan was one of the most anticipated parts of the prequels, and whether you like or dislike how CGI’d that lava brawl ended up being, there’s no denying that the operatic quality of this song fit it perfectly.

12. Across the Stars (Attack of the Clones)

          Speaking of the Prequel Trilogy and things fitting perfectly, how about this one? While Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman’s onscreen chemistry never quite felt believable (an issue I chalk up to the writing ability of a certain Mr. Lucas), this iconic piece from Attack of the Clones helped make the seemingly endless scenes spent watching Anakin and Padme canoodling on Naboo a little more watchable.

11. Rey’s Theme (The Force Awakens)

          Star Wars is known for giving its characters big, bombastic pieces to go along with their main characters. Who could forget the first time they watched Empire Strikes Back and watched Vader storming through Echo Base with the Imperial March blaring behind him? (more on that later though).

          Compared to the heavy orchestral pieces attached to characters before it, Rey’s Theme barely holds any presence. It’s quiet and airy, using violins as a major instrument instead of the much more utilized brass section. Just like Rey herself in Force Awakens, this theme doesn’t look like much at first, but there’s some interesting stuff hidden beneath.

10. Jedi Steps (The Force Awakens)

          Fun fact: While watching the Force Awakens red carpet, I turned to my mom and said “You know, I’m willing to bet Luke won’t be in the movie at all until the last third at most.” She told me there was no way, and that he’d surely play a pivotal role that was being kept ultra-secret, explaining his absence from the trailers.

          Fast forward a month or so later, and we were left speechless at how Luke was left speechless. Despite that, this song paired with imagery of Rey’s arrival on Ahch-To was an incredibly satisfying way to cap off the first part of the sequel trilogy, and the leitmotif-filled credits theme afterwards is a lot of fun.

9. Victory Celebration (Return of the Jedi)

          Some may prefer the original Ewok victory song from the non-Special Editions, but while that one’s definitely a very fun song, I see this one as a much better way to close the original trilogy. It adds a lot of levity and gives a feeling of hope right after seeing Luke burning dear old dad, ending the most integral part of the Star Wars saga with a smile.

8. Jyn Erso and Hope Suite (Rogue One)

          While Rogue One doesn’t overall have the most memorable Star Wars soundtrack, composer Michael Giacchino did a fantastic job filling the enormous shoes John Williams left behind while off working on The Last Jedi. Considering this, I think he did a great job, and it’s no more apparent than in this piece. Just like the movie it plays in, while it may seem overly somber at times, there’s always a lingering sense of light throughout the suite, making it one of my personal favourite Star Wars compositions.

7. Duel of the Fates (The Phantom Menace)

          This one’s the most famous composition from the Prequel Trilogy, and with good reason. The climactic battle between Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Darth Maul is one of Phantom Menace’s saving graces, and this epic piece playing behind it basically redefined what it meant to have a climactic lightsaber battle at the end of a Star Wars movie.

6. Throne Room (A New Hope)

          Aside from the top two winners of this list, the Throne Room theme is one of the most iconic pieces from all of Star Wars. If the destruction of the Death Star wasn’t thrilling enough, having Luke and Han (and let’s be honest, Chewie as well) being presented by medals by Leia ranks up as one of the most satisfying endings in cinema history. And if you don’t think this theme isn’t a major part in why this scene works, take a look at how it’d be without it!

5. Princess Leia’s Theme (A New Hope)

          It’s interesting at how a song can take on different uses over time. This initially was just the theme used for Princess Leia. When Empire Strikes Back was released it was repurposed for use in romantic scenes between the princess and Han. Versions of it were used in Return of the Jedi and Force Awakens. And, most recently, John Williams used it at Star Wars Celebration as a way to pay homage to the recently departed Carrie Fisher, leaving no one in the room with a dry eye. No matter how it’s used, this theme is one of the most beautiful compositions in the entire saga, and just like Carrie herself, we’d be much worse off without it.

4. Yoda’s Theme (Empire Strikes Back)

          I heard once somewhere that this was John Williams’ favourite piece he ever composed for Star Wars. While I couldn’t find a backing source on that for this article, I can definitely see why that would be the case. Just like the diminutive Jedi master himself, this theme is both mystical and whimsical, with very light and bouncy tones overall, while still having a bit of a quiet and slow quality to it. It’s just great.

3. Binary Sunset/The Force Theme (A New Hope)

          It’s a tie! Er, sort of. Truth be told, these themes are arguably one and the same so I figured I’d count them both at this point in the list.

          This theme, to me, perfectly encapsulates the call to adventure Luke feels as he stares out into the twin suns in A New Hope. Easily the most symbolic image in the entire Saga (in my opinion, at least), this scene does a great job at helping you understand Luke’s character better with no words spoken at all.

          An interesting fact: George Lucas specifically asked for the Force Theme to be played here after he was displeased with the original take. Wanna hear what John Williams originally thought this scene should sound like? Well, there was a video here at one point that showed you, but the uploader went and took it down. It's well worth seeking out though.

2. The Imperial March (Empire Strikes Back)

          And now we’re getting into the really iconic. The Imperial March has basically transcended pop culture and has become one of the most famous villain themes in the history of entertainment. The Imperial March’s famous opening notes can be easily recited even by people who’ve never seen a Star Wars movie.

          In fact it’s so famous that a lot of people don’t remember that it isn’t introduced until Empire Strikes Back, where it doubles as a theme for both Vader and the Empire in general. Seeing Vader swoop into a room with this theme blaring really gave him a weight he never had in A New Hope, turning him from an intimidating foil for Obi-Wan to a true nightmare.

1. Star Wars Main Theme (A New Hope)

          I mean…is there really any other choice?

          This theme is arguably the most famous piece in movie history. I know it, you know it, your grandma knows it, I’d even be willing to bet that you could walk up to any random guy on a busy street and they’d all know it. This is more than just a piece that opens each episode; this song is Star Wars.

          Everything you need to know about the adventure that’s about to unfold is told to you here (as well as in the scrolling yellow letters you see while this plays). It’s epic, it’s light, it’s exciting, and it’s full of hope. This song gets you energized and ready for what’s about to unfold on the big screen, and that’s why it’s the best Star Wars song ever.

          Are there any I missed? Let me know what your favourite song from Star Wars is, and I’ll see you next time!