Unarmed
(This review contains
spoilers!)
Now that we’ve (hopefully) finished
our adventures on the U.S.S. Kasius, I have a question. Why did the writers
think that out of all the cool stuff they could explore in the Marvel Cosmic
Universe they decided to go with this weird and uninteresting time-travel plot
instead? Seriously, this storyline quickly ran out of steam in the second half
as entire episodes were dedicated to getting characters from Point A to Point B
with very little of narrative substance in between. How cool would it have been
to have Team S.H.I.E.L.D exploring an alien planet like Sakaar or Knowhere or
something like we’ve seen in an MCU movie instead of running down drab gray
hallways for 10 episodes?
By the looks of things this is the
last episode we’re getting until March 2 to make room for the Olympics, and I
think I’m ready for a break. It’s my love of the last four seasons that’s
keeping me watching, because that and the unintentional hilarity of some of the
stuff we’ve seen over the course of the last few episodes is all that’s keeping
me from dropping this show like it’s hot.
The whole crew has finally met up
again…except when Yo-Yo runs off to fill some time. While Coulson has Flint
rebuild the monolith, Yo-Yo goes looking for other Inhumans. Instead she finds…herself.
Apparently this is a past version of
herself that’s trapped in a time loop…or something. Also she has no arms, and
the reveal of that is so unintentionally hilarious complete with ridiculously
overdramatic sound effects that my stomach literally hurt from laughing too
much after seeing it. It’s so ridiculous and over-the-top and goes absolutely
nowhere. It’s supposed to be why Present Yo-Yo can’t take Future Yo-Yo with
her, but…wouldn’t it make more sense if she didn’t have any legs instead? What’s
a lack of arms stopping her from running away with her past self? Am I reading
too much into an insignificant detail in an overall bad episode?
Yeah, probably.
This culminates in the final battle
against Kasius, who apparently has magical grape jelly that gives you
super-strength now because of course he does. The actor playing Kasius went
full-on silly this episode, reaching levels of overdramatic I didn’t think was
possible outside of a Tommy Wiseau performance. It’s a lot of yelling and
kicking around, lacking a lot of the more subtle nuances that made his
character a cool villain to begin with. Here in his grand finale he’s reduced
to a screaming lunatic, and frankly that’s real disappointing.
He does get an awesome death though, I’ll
give this episode that.
We do get a bit of an interesting
set-up for what’s coming next. According to future Yo-Yo both Coulson and Mack
are doomed, Coulson is dying by some unknown disease (maybe that wire that hit
him for no apparent reason last episode gave him swine flu or something), and
the time loop is going to repeat itself infinitely, with the Earth destined to
be destroyed. I’m interested to see how this plays out, and I’m really looking forward to a return of
the S.H.I.E.L.D I know and love:
globetrotting adventures, awesome surprises, and a much more lighthearted and
fun tone.
That’s the biggest problem with Season
5 for me so far: S.H.I.E.L.D has
forgotten to have fun. Even when the show gets to be its most dramatic they
always find room to crack a joke or make a fun comic book reference or do something to lighten the mood. This
whole season with a few exceptions has been nothing but run down the gray
hallway, talk about the plan for a bit, run down the next gray hallway, “let’s
split up, gang!”, and then all run down separate gray hallways. What fun! There
hasn’t been any real wild surprises and memorable moments have been few and far
between.
I miss the S.H.I.E.L.D that made Tuesday nights exciting. Can we have it back
now, please?
FINAL SCORE
2/10
Awful
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